Wrong Idea

I think I gave off the wrong idea. Nothing really happened happened. I just finally know for sure.
No, I don't think she'd ever actually do anything. I don't think she'd be that forward. She just beats around the bush. Er... hints. Yeah.

What is really weird is that it's like high school again where I don't know how to act. Like she's looking right through me and knows I'm freaked out.
But I don't think it's going to go anywhere. It's been a long time since I've done anything in that neighborhood.

And on another topic,
I'm SO ready for graduation in December. Other than being completely confused about where I'm going after I'm out, I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to miss everyone.

In a few years I'll have a kid and a mortgage. Wow, the thought of a tame me.

Being a grown-up is not as fun as we thought it would be, is it?

Affirmative

I'm so sick of school and writing and studying and people and things. I need about 48 hours of sleep. And my allergies are pissing me off. April and August suck crocodile gnads when it comes to allergies.

You know what show I like? Desperate Housewives. It's a damn good show. I've seen every episode ("Thanks, TiVo!") and I'm telling ya, it's some good eats.

You know what I don't like? Bumps on the tongue. Miss a spot brushing your teeth and wake up with an irritating bump.

Speaking of the tongue, you know what I'm learning to like? Girls from Lesba.

You know, Lesbians? Ayup. You were right. Jess is indeed from Lesba. Affirmative. Roger. I copy, 10-4. Loud and Clear.

See, things are making so much more sense now. Because I've worked with her before and thought... well, now that's weird. She seems overly friendly. Hmm. Maybe she used to work at Disneyland or something. Or maybe she's proud of her teeth. and uh... boobs. But no, my friends. Fraid not. She's friendly to me for a reason.

Aaah. It's kinda nice, really.

Tasty

Okay so um... I have to tell you guys this.

So I'm sitting at a desk. There are four of us sitting there, talking about technical shit and who's going to do what on the next project. And I could feel her kinda staring. You know how when someone is looking at you and you look them in the eye to get them to stop? Didn't work. She just sort of grinned at me. I'm like... is anyone else seeing this? Am I losing my mind? Am I just taking this wrong?

But these aren't exactly people whom I can just ask, "hey, do you think she's a lesbian?" Wouldn't exactly work.

So we're walking out to our cars and she walks next to me and asks what I'm doing. I told her I had to run by the library and pick up some stuff for a class. She actually looked disappointed. Then I realized that she may have been suggesting we go hang our or something.

I guess I just don't know enough to even pick up signals. Or maybe I am picking them up, but I'm not sure I'm correct.

Anyway, so she said "see you later, k." She has started calling me "K" in conversation. Which seems very personal. And she walked to her car. As ridiculous as it sounds (I know), I actually waited for her to drive off before I did. Is that dorky?

This is all very strange.

Oh my god. I mean, I'm probably going to find out that it was all in my imagination, and she's like... married and homophobic. I'm going to feel very silly. Yeah. Cause it's all in my head.

Right?

oh NO she did NOT

Ooh ooh zzzchhchzz ergh [I'm attempting to growl in type] ggrrghhghr zzzergh.

I am blistering pissed right now. Buh LISTERing pissed. Heidi, my lovely supervisor on the project I just BUSTED MY ASS to come up with a good color scheme for the damn document even when I could get NO damned answers about ANY thing having to do with ANY thing that mattered with the damn thing and I had to be the one to make ALL the damn decisions about everything even though SHE is supposed to be directing the production of the damn thing and yet ALL decisions have been made by me, just me, and with ZERO credit well don't think for one SECOND I'm not putting on my resume that I directed the project yes I directed it with zero help from others that shall remain nameless like HEIDI.

Okay so yeah. After all the work I put in to designing a document with a certain color scheme that I though highlighted the purpose of the document... I mean, I put a lot of thought into it. I wanted it to be a success for them. The color was critical for getting the ideas across. And my team and I busted our asses to get it in by deadline.

And Then

We find out that they tossed the color files... and printed the fucker in black and white.

Black.

And White.

They printed it

in Black

And White.

Yes indeed. We are all a tad peaved. And on top of that, the team and I went out for some drinks the other night to celebrate finishing, and I could SWEAR one of the girls in my group was hitting on me. I mean... really laying it on. Like... lesbian style.

What to make of that? Could it be that I misinterpreted?

Good Lord

And today I found this out:

Maurice Hilleman, the guy that created vaccines for Mumps, Meningitis, Hepatitis A and B, measles, chickenpox, and pneumonia just died yesterday

of cancer.

Would that be irony, Alanis?
I'm sick of people dying. Enough already. Unless of course they're mean bad people.

This Effing SUCKS

I just found out from another blog that my favorite comedian died last Wednesday (Mar. 30). I had to go read a bunch of news reports before I could fathom it being true.

Mitch Hedberg was the most bad-ass, funniest, most laid-back person, and he was one of the only comedians that ever made me laugh until I was in real physical pain. I was a hardcore fan from the very first sentence I heard him speak. His brand of comedy is the most pure and... and who knew that baking a potato could be so fucking hilarious.

I just saw him, too. That's making this so much more of a shock for me... I'm glad I kept the ticketmaster ticket stubs.

This seriously sucks, people.

Really. Really. Sucks.

Him and Kurt, man. Deaths to mourn.

SON of a BITCH.

It's Only Monday?!?

Oh lord. I can't believe it's not at least Wednesday. School is whooping my ass right now. Seriously.
Not to mention that a supervisor I'm doing some freelancing for is totally uncooperative. Here is an example:

What about this needs changed? Do you want this paragraph on the left or on the back of the document? Also - I need to know about the color palatte. Thanks, -Kara

She answered with:

Wow, this is wonderful! -Heidi

And then there was this:

Heidi - How is your week going? I wanted to ask you about meeting to talk about a few format options. I've got some time on Tuesday if that's a good day for you. Just let me know! Thanks, Kara

She answered with:

I think you did a fabulous job on the shading under the left header. Thanks so much! -Heidi

I mean, what the hell? How do I meet deadlines when I can't even communicate with her? And I've tried the phone thing, and it's somehow even more difficult. Makes me want to bash my head against a wall.

It's getting warm outside! Today we were 80 degrees! It's unreal. Yesterday I played tennis until I was sunburned. It's the perfect temp out there right now, about 70. I hate it when it gets really hot. I used to live in middle Tennessee, and I remember playing in the yard and the grass actually crunching because it was so hot and dry. Here it's worse because it's so much more humid. It's like you can wring the air out and get a bucket of water.

I'm thinking about going on a diet.

I don't get it.

I don't understand the point of visitations.

It's so macabre. A bunch of people in black lingering around a dead body. The person they loved is no longer there, so I just don't understand why they want to see what form they used to take... lying there without them.

I've heard some people say that it's the only way to have closure - to see the body lying in the coffin. But I just can't believe that such a thing helps. It seems like it would just be heartbreakingly painful. Agonizing. It was for me, anyway.

Perhaps this is just another one of society's traditions that I'm in disharmony with.