K a r a S p i l l s

BOO

2008-04-11T16:56:00.001-05:00

I'm still alive! ha HA!

Like, WHOA

2007-05-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

Hey to those of you who still come around! How the hell are you all? I'm doing aight. Been busy, but I'm thinking of coming back to the old stomping ground.

Too many things to bitch about to stay away. Am I right or am I right?

Where y'all bitches be at?

2007-04-12T17:55:00.000-05:00

Man. Everyone up and left. Including me, I guess.

Damn, and we had a good thing goin'.

You're Welcome

2006-11-28T18:32:00.000-06:00

Ladies and Gents, I present to you:

the most beneficial use of a celeb yet, especially Paris.

Eddie Murphy Is as delicious as Stove Top

2006-11-22T15:03:00.000-06:00

Eddie Murphy was probably one of my first movie-star crushes when I was growing up.

I admit that my standard of hotness may differ from most. I think I see hotness where some people miss it. Not that many women don't think Mr. Murphy is the hotness, but I'm just saying.

I caught a glimpse of him doing promo for his new movie, and he's somehow just as sexy or sexier than he was when he was younger. His grin makes me crazy.

Okay, enough with the hot men.

Everyone have big plans for tomorrow? Thanksgiving... mmm. My favorite part is the Stove Top stuffing. I know, it's fake, and it's full of chemicals and hydrogenated oil, but damn it's good with some mashed potatoes.

Everyone has their favorite Thanksgiving food. I know someone who thinks the whole holiday revolves around (cough) cranberry sauce. Okay, EW. I mean, it's okay (only when it's NOT canned, and there's halved berries still visible). But at best, it's just okay. However. A hot, creamy pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream? DELISH. Not whipped cream from a can, though, but from a tub. Yeah, baby.

H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G !

Bitches

2006-10-26T15:44:00.000-05:00

I know I've blogged about this before. But I'm inspired to bitch about it some more, so deal with it.

If you have a stick up your ass.

If you haven't been laid in a while.

If you are generally an assmunch.

If you are a republican.

DO NOT GO INTO CUSTOMER SERVICE. Your personality SUCKS, and all you'll do is piss me off.

However,

If you are a cute boy/girl with a sexy piercing (not the nasty kind).

If you are funny and/or charming.

If you know how to smile and make someone feel good.

If you are a dog person.

Work in customer service and do the weary world a favor by making our day just that much brighter.

I went to two places today. The first of which I got served a burrito by a cute boy with a nice, un-tacky piercing and appropriately spiky hair. He was fun, he made me laugh, and made my burrito buying experience a good one. Later, I went to another store, and the girl at the register was a holier-than-thou obvious cat-person type, complete with the permanent look of disgust on her face. I wanted to shove a Chuck Taylor up her ass.

Mantastic

2006-10-14T19:56:00.000-05:00

So I was flipping channels and saw what I thought was a glimpse at this hot dude named CT from Real World Paris. That's right, bitches, I watch Real World. So I went back and sure enough, there was the delicious hunk of man meat himself, Chris, or CT. On the Real World, he had this full head of thick hair that was so sexy, and I thought he couldn't possibly look hotter. Now he's shaved his head, and those who have read my blog for a long time know that I'm a sucker for a man with a shaved head and facial hair, especially ones with intense eyes and dark brows. He's on this season of Real World/Road Rules Challenge, which obviously I will now be watching.

Ladies, I present to you: The delicious, mouth-watering hunk of man, CT. You're welcome.

I know this thumbnail is small, but trust me, every feature on his face is as hot as the next, clear down to the kissable lips. This is NOT the best picture of him I've seen, so if you look him up, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Damn. The man makes you want to get into trouble, doesn't he?

Whatnot

2006-09-19T17:02:00.000-05:00

Yodel.

Have you ever seen the aftermath of a car accident and you couldn't figure out how in the hell the cars ended up in the positions they're in? I passed an accident scene this afternoon. Thankfully it wasn't a big one, just a 45 mile an hour area. But an SUV had been plowed T style in the side by a pickup truck. But the truck must have then bounced off and came to a stop several feet away and facing a bizarre direction. The pickup truck had a teensy amount of damage to the front end, but the side of the SUV was trashed. Anyway, there was glass everywhere, and the people had already been taken away or something, because the only guys out there were the cleanup crew and some cops and the tow truck. I guess the pickup ran the light and was going so fast that they couldn't stop in time. Dude must have been hauling because of how he came to a stop. I just hope no one was hurt.

And now for a random factoid: I like custard, but hate the name of it. Just like yogurt. There's just something weird about eating (and enjoying) a food with a name that sounds like a gag or a vomit. Know what I mean?

Crank

2006-09-05T11:04:00.000-05:00

I went to see Crank yesterday. It was better than I thought it would be. It sounded like it should rock, and luckily, it did.

It had some kick-ass editing, and lots of little bonuses. If you liked Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, you'll like Crank. Same actor in all 3, too, I just realized. Crank isn't the same as those two movies by any means, but stylistically they have a lot of similarities. Also there are a few unbelievable (literally, I mean) bits, but they are added for the sake of humor and it totally works (in this instance, because not every movie can pull that off).

Amy Smart plays her role (stupid girlfriend) really well. She's always good in her roles I think. And of course Jason Statham just rocks. The movie is really fast-paced, of course. It's not for those who don't like blood or like, dismembered digits and limbs. I laughed a lot more than I expected to, which is awesome. There is some nudity and stuff like that, as well as some "adult language." The previews were almost all for horror movies coming out this fall, which made me feel like maybe this movie was going to be different than what I expected, but it wasn't. It was exactly what I expected, just... better and with more laughs and "oh my god"s coming out of my mouth. The ending made everyone in the room kind of mumble, both asking the obvious question and stating the obvious answer.

Swamp Crotch

2006-08-28T19:12:00.000-05:00

I'm currently addicted to Blow Pops. I know this has no relevance on the state of the world, but there it is.

I hate it when women saturate themselves in perfume and then frolic around in the world a-stankin.

Why should I have to deal with your nasty funk? It's NOT going to hide the fact that you haven't showered in a week and your hair looks like wet straw. You've only added a whole new layer of NASTY onto your already putrid essence. If you're doing it to attract men, it's NOT GOING TO WORK. Leaving a trail behind you is not flattering, it's gross. If I walk down the aisle at the grocery store and can smell you even when you're no longer there, you're gross. I don't care if the shit cost you 600 bucks. No perfume smells good when you've bathed in it.

And by the way, you're not fooling anyone with those tits. The massive cavern between them gives you away. You overpaid the surgeon.

And nobody is believing that hair color, either.

Am I mean? I know I'm evil, but am I mean, too?

Norm MacDonald is the Grim Reaper

2006-08-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if all the people whose blogs I read were all on the same bus that was driven by a drunk that ran it into a giant ravine somewhere, leaving them all either dead or fingerless and unable to blog.

WE INTURRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS URGENT MESSAGE

Greyhound Bus #67937 travelling east on Highway 40 was recently sighted plummetting into the Grand Canyon.

Among the passengers on the list are:

Rachel Norfleet
h8
Trevor
Jake (seen fleeing the scene, may have survived for a brief but delightful comment on Kara M****y's blog)
BlueLP
RelaxLove the Tomcat

If you have any information that may assist in the pending investigation, please contact us immediately.

Stay tuned for more local programming, and we'll see you tomorrow for Your News At 5 AM.
I'm Tits McGee.
Stay Sexy, SanDiego

WAKEY WAKEY

2006-08-02T20:15:00.000-05:00

Here's something that'll put a little shiver down your spine. You're welcome.

Wow, being sadistic can be fun.

traffic report

2006-07-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

I was just checking my traffic report, and it followed the same pattern it always does.

Most visitors are here at either 2 or 4 in the morning. And by "most" I mean at least 15x more people during those hours. And, since they don't leave me notes when they pass by, I can only guess why they're here.

We have a couple of options here. Either my posts are so dull that they can lull an insomniac to sleep, OR, they're so damn sexy that they're stopping by for some um... inspiration. And since I'm prone to dilusion, I'm thinking the answer is obvious.

But, just to cover my bases, here's something for both of those scenarios.

I'm blushing.

2006-07-11T15:19:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I've "had" certain "experiences" with a few "friends" of mine. [I'm doing air quotes.] Since that's no secret, I thought I'd share a list of girls, whether it embarasses me or not, that I think are attractive.

Women who are actually hot:
P!nk
Angelina, obviously, because who doesn't
Janine Garofalo (sp)
Avril Lavigne
Natalie Portman

Women that some people think are hot, but that actually look, at best, like feet:
Keira Knightley
Jessica Alba
Paris Hilton
Lindsay Blohan

Now, it's important to note that there are also women who I think are beautiful because of their attitudes or their inner beauty (I know it's a cliché, but screw it. It's true).

Any thoughts? Anyone I didn't think of?

Mackerel Snatch

2006-07-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

Some people need to bathe. With Comet.

I'm just saying.

Funions

2006-06-29T17:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's technicolor dreamcoat is tomorrow's agonizing defeat in lemonade-stand style excretions.

Embrace the jingle of the dog's collar. Engage in the cat's tinkling bell.

Embark.

Feel free to leave me some beautiful drug-induced poetry of your own. Rasta.

Old News

2006-06-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

I know this is old news, but I was blog surfing and found these pictures of Taylor Hicks from high school. There are more down below if you scroll.

Anyway, so how's it going? I haven't blogged in a minute. Primarily because I've been busy combing the african jungle for wild purple tarantulas to bring back to my italian mob boss. I was due back two weeks from now, but returned early to go on a press junket for my recently published guide to female prostitution (for dummies).

P.S. - I hate big fly-eye-looking sunglasses. Especially on spindly little twig bitches.

It's only Wednesday?!

2006-05-31T20:16:00.000-05:00

Some weeks just drag on and on and on.

Anyway, isn't it weird how quiet the blogosphere gets when school lets out? Or maybe it's just that the majority of the blogs I read are written by people in college. I don't know, but either way, I hear my own echo right now now now. See? see see

BOO

2006-05-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

Apparently, dude wised up and broke it off with 'the Runaway Bride.' She seriously freaks me out. She should have grabbed on to that guy for dear life, given that he put up with her at all.

Does she really think she's going to get many more offers?

You may think I'm a judgemental bitch, but my opinion is that she won't, not after pulling the shit she's pulled.

Nifty

2006-05-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

I puked the most crazy colors into my stage manager's fanny pack.

I'll give a jillion dollars and a french kiss (okay maybe just a HOLLA!) to the person who can tell me, without cheating, where that line comes from.

Nobody will know. No way.

Can't find me? Search for 'panty!'

2006-05-04T18:46:00.000-05:00

Man I'm in a really spastic mood today. I'm hyper (as opposed to last time I blogged), and bouncing around, much like DeeDee from Dexter's Lab. Only without the pigtails. And the annoying voice. And the pink dress. Oh, shut up, it's still enough to qualify. SHUT UP!

Anyway, back on the ground for the current moment, I'll get back on task. Going through my meter, I find the following referrals to my blog, as found by people searching both MSN and Google:

braless
big nice breasts
kara's sexy pics
wet t-shirt
panty
plastic panties
Clive Owen
Nathan Lane
sexy goatee

Yep. I pride myself on my wholesome family-friendly programming. The only thing missing is **** *** and ***** going down on ***.

Actually, I can remember talking about most of these, like how Clive Owen is so smoking hot I can't stand it. But on the other hand, when was I talking about how I have big nice breasts? (See there? See how I made that about my own? I'm clever. I'M CLEVER DAMMIT! TELL ME I'M CLEVER!)

Ah well.

That's it for this installment of "how annoying can she be?" with your host, Kara M****y. Tune in next week when she rakes her fingernails over some texturized bricks while she jumps up and down and giggles stupidly.

m.o.o.n.- that spells: I Want Sleep

2006-05-03T11:16:00.000-05:00

I just want to sleep.

I have no energy.

I need to go back to the infamous fitness facility to gain energy, but I don't have the energy to go to the infamous fitness facility in order to gain more energy.

I just want to sleep. I have so many things I want to get done before I can hit the sheets tonight. AAaah.

One thing I sometimes do to revv myself up is to blast some kickin' music in my car, and take the slow route to wherever I'm going. Stop by Sonic and get a diet cherry limeade. Put in some eyedrops. Wakey wakey.

I think I'll just um... take a teensy little nap first. NO! yes. NO! but i want to. NO! please? NO! Geez, okay, fine I won't! God, you didn't have to yell at me!

See how tired I am? I'm arguing with myself out loud. Er, out type. Out blog.

Hearing my dog snore isn't helping.

The Pool Incident

2006-04-24T16:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm getting ready to go to the fitness place for a swim. I put on my suit and then throw some shorts and a t-shirt over it, slip on the flip flops, grab my gym bag full of soap, shampoo, stuff like that, and away I go.

So I get in and I'm swimming away, when in comes this guy whom I suspect isn't "all there." He's pissing me off and blocking my laps, so I check the clock, realize I was about 10 minutes from getting out anyway, and decide to leave early. Now comes The Ladder Maneuver. Girls, you'll know what I'm talking about here: that moment when you're climbing out hoping to god the guy right there isn't looking up at your ass... well I climb onto the first step, and Said Man behind me begins making some weird grunting sound as my ass is in his face. I climb out of there as fast as humanly possible, grab my towel, and fly into the locker room, dude's bizarre noises echoing behind me.

But wait, there's more.

So I hang my bag in the changing room, close the curtain, and take a nice hot shower. As I'm towelling off, I realize that I forgot to pack my f'ing bra and panties. Now. What to do? "Of course I had to wear my thinnest fucking shorts," I mumble. So I pull the shorts on and slip my shirt over my head, hoping that, if I move nice and slowly, no inappropriate breast bouncing will go on as I make my way out of the place and into my car. I pull the shirt down as far as I can over my ass, paranoid that someone will actually go through the "where's her panty-line" thought process (you know, because that's so fucking likely, and grab my suit and towel. I go through the usual motions of wrapping the suit in the towel and putting the whole thing in a plastic bag, only to then realize that I had pressed the saturated towel against my t-shirt and left a giant wet circle, right over my boob. There goes being inconspicuous, because you can guess what happened next. What happens when a wet shirt is over a braless breast? Yep. So now I had to get my ass to my car without drawing attention to the dark, wet circle on my shirt, and the determined, spiteful protrusion under it, as I tip-toed (to avoid movement) my way to the front desk to return my key. Now note that I'm not a prude, but still, walzing around with the headlights on at a busy coed facility is not my cup of tea.

Of course it has to be cold and windy outside, and I have wet hair, so obviously I kept getting shivers, which made (ahem) everything more obvious.

This is probably one of those things that, to the person involved it seems like a big deal, but nobody else knows even notices.

I mean... right?

Ankle spanker swinging in the wind

2006-04-18T14:18:00.000-05:00

Some bitches were at the fitness place this morning. Damn hoes anyway.

Here's the deal. You can be stupid, or you can be a bitch, but you can't be both. If you're stupid and nice, people are friendly and they'll help you figure shit out.

But if you're stupid AND a fucktard bitch, then you need to CLEAR MY FUCKING PATH. Post-motherfucking-haste.

I hate it when I go out of my way to be nice to someone, and they turn around and act like a fucking asslick to me. It happens more often than I can stand (see my Starbucks experience in a previous post).

LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE. IF I AM NICE TO YOU, AND IN RETURN YOU ARE A SKEEVWART SLUTBITCH IN RETURN, do NOT expect me to EVER be nice to your nasty ass again.

Unlock the mysterious secrets of a goddamn doorknob by your dumbfuck self.

*ahem*

I feel much better now. To everyone who is NOT a complete assmunch fuckbag, sorry that you had to be exposed to my wrath.

Peace and light, rainbows and puppies,
Kara

See Emily Play

2006-04-07T08:27:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate it when you burn your mouth? Especially your tongue, because then you have that weird texture thing going on. I was drinking coffee this morning and scalded my poor tongue.

Anyway, I went to the gym this morning and they were closed for the day. They had a hand-written sign on the door. It was like... some twilight zone shit. If I had gone in, there would have probably been green-skinned scientologists hovering around katie holmes waiting to suck the life from her baby or something.

I have no idea what's going on. They've never done that before in the time I've been going.

Makes one wonder. Perhaps someone took a giant shit in the middle of the lobby.

P.S. - one ZILLION dollars (or an equal or lesser prize) to the person that can tell me what my post title is from, without googling it! Not that I'd know if you had, but still.

Collage 2

2006-04-06T14:08:00.000-05:00

Changed

Erotic

Romantic

Gasp

Velvety

Friggin' April.

2006-04-04T07:41:00.000-05:00

Tom DeLay is quitting. I can't tell you how *cough* devastated I am *cough* to see him go *cough.*

Hey, to readers from Tennessee... I hope your families are all safe and okay after the storms.

Yeah, so I watched it. I was 9!

2006-03-31T18:17:00.000-06:00

Yes. I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not often, but enough to count. Anyway, I found this video and had to share it. These guys are hilarious.

bewbs

2006-03-15T21:38:00.000-06:00

It's. Effing. Cold.

Today it's like 36 degrees, which in itself isn't that cold, but the wind and shit... BRR. But I could swear that I heard someone mowing their lawn earlier. wtf? There's no grass here yet, you morons. Quit mowing your dead brown grass at 8 am.

I find that I'm posting less and less. I guess when the traffic to my blog decreases, my interest in posting decreases. I know that's stupid, I mean I see most blogs with zero comments on any of their posts, and they keep on trucking. After all, we blog for ourselves, not for anyone else, and if other people read and comment and dig what you dish, then right on. I know that logically. But sometimes I miss the good ol' days.

I miss the love, baby.

Hey, I know... I need to post pics of my tits. That'll bring people around. And more descriptions of my lesbian encounters.

Kidding. Naw, I can't see giving up on this blog, even if all traffic stopped, I'd probably keep yammering away like the the crazy cat lady down the street. I'll walk the streets of Boggerville mumbling about the war and how my son stole my car and the grandkids don't come around, and pulling bugs out of my hair.

Brr, I'm heading back for a refill on the ol' java mug.

Today's Eye Candy
Nude Matthew McConaughey!

I found this photo on someone else's blog and had to borrow it. I wonder who got lucky enough to get the job of holding his junk for this photo. Because I'm pretty sure I'm qualified.

whoreskank with cheese

2006-03-15T11:58:00.000-06:00

Like everyone else, I was at Starbucks this morning for the free coffee. That is some good shit, man. I hate to say it, but their coffee is fucking suPERB. The ladies behind the counter were really nice, too, which was completely unexpected.

However.

As I was standing at the little table applying my usual add-ins, this woman came up and was trying to pour half and half into her cup. It wasn't coming out, and she was mumbling "how do you make this work?" under her breath. I felt sorry for her, and told her she had to turn the top to OPEN IT FIRST. I told her I had closed it after I used it, which is something nice people do because the employees are constantly going over to seal them to keep them cold. I was being nice. And this woman couldn't figure out how to turn the lid. So I said "here, let me show you" and opened it for her. I didn't want her to feel stupid so I said "sorry, I closed that after I used it, so that's why it wasn't pouring." She said, "oh okay" and went on about her business. A few seconds later, I rocked my coffee cup just enough to slosh a little onto my hand and the table, but it was no big deal - it didn't hurt, and not much spilled. I just reached for some napkins and was taking care of it. So then, the woman that I'd just went out of my way to help (and took blame for something common-sense just so she wouldn't feel like a doofus) said the following with a smirk:

"This just isn't your day, is it honey?"

(deep breathe)

Now.
What TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT FUCKTARD would say something like that to someone that just helped them out? FUCK YOU LADY. Go home and spend 3 hours figuring out how to open your OWN damn milk containers, where nice people aren't there to help you out.

Damn smoker-stinkin' hair fried liver-spotted white-trash-looking dumb bitch!

I just took deep breaths until I could get a safe distance from her, so my fist woudn't involuntarily crack her tooth. I'm pretty sure she had on an employee tag for the local hospital. My god, I hope she's a janitor and not someone in charge of figuring out how to inject people.

I don't have anything against people that aren't very smart. It's when they are ASSHOLES that I get a little angry.

Bitch better be glad I'm not as mean as I was in high school when I would have popped her in the face. (Have I blogged about that yet? Hmm. Let's just say I got suspended from school a couple times and leave it at that. Well, for now anyway.)

Jesus H. Christ. I hope everyone ELSE is having a better day than I am.

Bitch.

Like, sorry y'all

2006-03-13T10:40:00.000-06:00

So it's been a minute since I posted. Sorry about that. I had a spell of blogger's block.

Buuut, now here I am back to my bitchy liberal blondish gay-friendly artistic photographically-gifted camera shy outwardly harsh inwardly sweet strawberry loving self. That's right folks, I'm back in black and ready to rrrummmmmbbuuuuulllll!

Okay so maybe not all that, but I am back, ready to point out all those crazy little details that people tend to overlook. Like, say, the lyrics to the Beck song "Devil's Haircut" :

"Something's wrong 'cause my mind is fadin', and everywhere I look there's a dead end waiting. The temperture's dropping at the rotten oasis, stealing kisses from the lepers' faces.

Heads are hanging from the garbage-man trees. Mouthwash, jukebox, gasoline. Pistols are pointing at a poor man's pockets, Smiling eyes with 'em out of the sockets.

I've got a devil's haircut in my mind.

Love machines on the sympathy crutches. Discout orgies on the drop-out busses. Hitching a ride with the bleeding noses, coming to town with the briefcase blues.

I've got a devil's haircut in my mind."

Amazing, aren't they? There's nothing I love more than a good Beck song. The lyrics are crazy and the beats are The Absolute Shit. I recommend the album Guero to one and all. And Odelay is a classic.

So listen. Is it possible to get a prescription for medical marijuana for cramps? Because ladies, we can rise up and make that shit possible. If any man could feel what we feel, those suit-wearing assholes would pass that shit into legality.

Today's eye candy: the unwashed Gael García Bernal, hot regardless of the sheen.

Hot Men

2006-03-06T10:38:00.000-06:00

I'm having one of my... "those days," where I'm exceptionally boy-crazy.

I love me some goatee. NOT ALL GOATEES ARE CREATED EQUAL. Some men look plain STOOpid with the things.

Wait, let me define what I mean by "goatee." Because I don't mean a pointed beard. I mean when they have hair from under their nose to their chin, but not a full beard. Let's get that straight right off the bat. Even though I have seen a couple smokin' hot men with pointy beards, but it's just rare, so I'm disqualifying it.

But a sexy guy with a sexy goatee and short, if not buzzed, hair on his head... that's hot. I also like a guy with a shaved head. Not like... skinhead, but just buzzed down to nearly nil. I also like all-over facial hair that is short, like the 6 o'clock (or 3 day, as it were) shadow. Yum-o.

Another thing. If they have a sexy way of holding their mouth, with a little grin. Not like a cocky egotistic smirk, just an evil little grin. That's hot.

Another thing. If they get the door for you. Or offer up their seat if you're standing. Things things are good. Not required, but good.

Okay I'm going to stop talking about hot men now. On to much less interesting topics.

So anyway. I updated my profile and picture, yet again. I am constantly changing that pic! I have a few that are me and a few that I think represent me in some way, and rotate them. I get bored easily or something, I don't know. I changed my profile info, too, but I'm not done updating things. I'm thinking of deleting all of the info in there and starting over.

I also put an email address in there, which makes me a tad nervous. I'm considering changing my template again, but I'm not sure if I actually will or just keep planning to. I've kept this one the longest of any of them. It just... fits me more I think.

Pic of the Day: This is from my widget "cutupo". It has words you can move around to make sentences. This is what I have there today.

Hedwig's Angry Inch

2006-03-03T19:09:00.000-06:00

I love the people that comment on my blog. You inspire me to write the strangest posts.

Nutsacks and bowling shoes. And you guys rock enough to go with it, to catch what I'm throwing your way.

I need to do an photo post containing pictures of nutsacks you all send me. Okay nevermind that. I think bowling shoe pics would be more tolerable.

Hmm. On second thought, neither would be tolerable. But it was good for a second.

Interesting Textural Associations:
nutsack = elbow / leather football / bowling shoe

Interesting Visual Associations:
powdered wigs = cotton balls = dust

Interesting Taste Associations:
root beer = licorice = ginger

Okay this is getting weird. I'm going to go throw frizbees at the light bulbs in my purple-edged bunker.

And then stop taking drugs.

I'm on the mark, getting set to go

2006-02-26T10:00:00.000-06:00

Does anyone remember that episode of MadTV where they ran the infomercial for Cholestra?

"Cholestra. Now with 10% less anal leakage!" I had totally forgot about that even though it was one of my favorite skits ever. I saw it on the other day. So funny.

So I ran my car through the car wash yesterday, the one where they dry it by hand and there's a big mirror so you can see the side of your car as you're leaving. And uh... I didn't tip.

My conscience is eating away at me like I bitch-slapped an orphan and stole her ice-cream cone.

God is going to smote me. I has/have/had been smoten. Smat. Smoted.

Observations of the Day
7. Bowling shoes are are like... nutsacks.

142. Bowling shoe comments aside, the male body, at times, is so yummylicious that I'm completely at their mercy. And a man who is proud of his... that's hot.

Eleventy. My eyes are hazel, in my case- a gold color that sometimes looks green. But sometimes they look almost yellow, like today.

Eye Candy of the Day: The Delicious Johnny Depp

Found Object Day

2006-02-23T13:16:00.000-06:00

Does anyone have experience with "found objects" in art?
I'm applying some of those concepts to this post.
I found representations of the things I wanted to convey:

Depth

Texture

Sexy

Juicy

Lush

Unexpected Softness

I Heart Rainn Wilson

2006-02-16T18:48:00.000-06:00

Have you noticed that my titles rarely have anything to do with the post itself? Well anywho.

I've got to say it. I've been having thoughts of deleting this blog and 1.25 years of my posts.

Until I decide to for sure, though, I'll continue to bring brilliant and enlightened topics to the table for contemplation and introspective discussion.

Like shit I hate.

1. grits

2. liver

3. people that constantly pop their gum in between their teeth

4. people that smoke right outside the door of a business so to walk in or out you have to breathe it and smell like that all day.

5. people that change lanes with no signal

6. country music in general

7. bleach blonde hair that looks like straw

8. when people's fingers bend back behind the back of their hand when they talk (see lindsay lohan - that shit is NASTY and comes complete with big warts, I'm not kidding)

9. when commercials get way louder than the show, so when you turn it down and the show comes back on, you can't hear it

10. when nobody notices the fucking hilarious shit I write in my Observations of the Day, or when nobody reads the blog at all

11. people that are overconfident

12. people in general.

Tune in tomorrow, when Kara continues her bright optimism and overt adoration for all things. SUPER!

No Hateration or Holleration

2006-02-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

I was listening to random music on my iPod this morning and I realized that I have some shit on there that I'm perhaps not quite proud of. Now, if I never listened to it, I wouldn't have it on there, so I have to be held accountable.

In other words, at some point I'm actually in the mood for these songs and listen to them, or they wouldn't be in my music library.

So, since I think all my readers have flown the coupe, I'm spilling it here where no one will see it.

I, indeed, own the following songs:

Honey, Mariah Carey
In Da Club, 50 Cent
All The Things She Said, t.A.T.u.
4 songs by Limp Bizkit
3 songs by Timberlake
Unbelievable, EMF
Jumpin' Jumpin', Destiny's Child
Butterfly, Crazytown
Slave 4 U and Toxic, Brit Brit Spears
Burnin' For You and (Don't Fear) The Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult
Black Cat, Janet Jackson (I actually like this one)
Scream, Michael Jackson (I like this one, too)

So there you have it. Most of those I don't ever listen to (or even like much really), but I kept them after their time had passed, so... Yeah.

Observations of the Day
A. Some people really really need to ease off the brow-plucking.
2. Not all porn is bad porn.
iii. Cher's voice sounds like she's got a throat full of peanut butter.

Eye Candy of the Day: GILF, P!nk
(Click, it gets bigger.)

Top 5: 'Bands' Edition

2006-02-13T00:11:00.000-06:00

I'm going to have to take back my previously stated hatred for Eva Longoria. I'm a sucker for a star that grew up poor and has some humble in their personality. Besides, I have enough disgust for Nicolette Sheridan for everyone to share some. Yick.

Exhausted right now. E and I went to the courts again today for tennis. And last night I got no sleep.

Anyway, I'm going to try really hard to narrow my stuff into a "Top 5." I've been reading other people's and thinking to myself, "Self, how in the hell do they narrow it down that far? I could never do that!"

But alas, I am not one to back down from a challenge.
5. Pearl Jam
4. Crystal Method
3. Chemical Brothers
2. Beck
(insert drumroll here)
1. David Bowie

Of course, a top 5 list is difficult, because you have to decide: Do you rate them my play frequency? Number of years you've been a fan? The number of their albums you have? Because that would completely change the list.

That was tough, though. I had to leave out bands that I LOVE, like Pink Floyd, Green Day, Duran Duran, and the ever-sexy Joan Jett. But if I got stranded on an island and had to have 5 bands to listen to, it would probably be that list that I'd choose.

That said, I sometimes forget someone -and then I'll remember with an audible THWACK sound and get mad at myself for forgetting someone so awesome. I'm sure I'll remember someone after I post this.

Observations of the Day
1. Resistance Smells Like Gouda.
ii. Eye drops feel sooo good when you're tired!
C. Those really huge stretchers people put in their earlobes are fucking nasty. I don't care how cool they think they are, they look fucking STUPID.

Eye Candy of the Day: THE Johnny Depp

I'm still here.

2006-02-08T11:18:00.000-06:00

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Not than anyone even noticed that I lagged for a while, but anyway.

I've had a bizarre week. I feel like I've been in some weird alternate reality. Up is down, left is right, chocolate is gross... you know, stuff like that.

I think what started the trend was B commenting on here and then my decision to re-establish contact with him. It was like a meeting of two worlds that I had kept separate. Anyway, that opened up a whole can of worms that I didn't see coming. Luckily he's a really great person and I didn't feel like we had to bring up old crap in order to laugh together again.

Aaaaand, as some of you know, I'm living with a guy right now, and things are um... well, it's getting more serious. It started out more like a friendly thing, but these things happen. It's morphing slowly into this.... serious thing. It's freaking me out really.

Observations of the Day
A. Warm tortilla chips are good.
ii. Sometimes your own life can look unrecognizable to you.
3. When muscles cramp really hard, they are sore the next day.

Eye Candy of the Day: Clive Owen

I'll take it.

2006-02-06T11:49:00.000-06:00

You are Brigitte Bardot

Naurally sensual and beautiful
You're an exotic beauty who turns heads everywhere
You've got a look that's one of a kind

What Famous Pinup Are You?

I've Been Found

2006-01-30T11:19:00.000-06:00

Well, now I know Who is Who, except Oak Ridge, TN.

There's also a guy who is visiting once in a while from California (there's a few, but there's only 1 from this particular place). It's a guy I used to date. He found my blog, as I suspected he would.

Hi, B!

I feel compelled to write about my relationship with B (talk about interesting stuff to write about), but I don't think he'd appreciate it much. I will say this: the parts of him I miss I really miss. I actually went to Cali to live with him for a while. Lots of good memories.

Okay this is kind of awkward.

Anyway.
Eye Candy Of The Day: Christian Bale

Believe it or not George isn't at home. Leave a message at the beep...

2006-01-26T20:49:00.000-06:00

Where could I beeee? Aaaah. Man. Gotta love Seinfeld.

So anywho. How's business, how's the kids? Gooood good. So *sniff* listen. Uh... I've gotta talk to you about your uh... *sniff* your TPS reports. See, it's just that were uh... well we're putting these new cover sheets on them. Now don't go getting a case of the Mondays. Or else I'll have to give you my O face. You know... "Oh... Oh..."

OMG that Oh Face guy is irritating. He looks like an albino linebacker.

Yeah folks. I'm in a royaly banoodly mood right now. Maybe it's the sugar streaming through my veins, maybe it's the caffeine, WHO'S TO SAY!? Aaah HA HA HAA!

Dude, I totally finished my arty thingy. Yep. Cut myself with an exacto and got paint in my hair again, but it's done, babycakes. It's DONE. Little neosporin and I'm smoooooth sailin'. I'm a smooooth operaaatuuuh... smoooth oparayduuh. Oh, that sade. she's funny.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking... Dara, wait, that's not right. LOL ANYwho, you're thinking Lara, no that's not it either. DAMN FINGERS. Typing skills? CHECK. Bloodflow and therefore feeling in my fingertips? CHECK. Now, Where was I? OH!
You're thinking, Kara, I've never seen you like this...are you hopped up on the HAPPYGRASS? Are you DURKN? er, DRUNK? Well my answer to you is this:

Huh? What were we talking about? I forget. Oh well.

ooooh FUNIONS! gotta go. Write me back. BFF, Kara (lara/dara)

Asking a Favor:

2006-01-23T13:13:00.000-06:00

Um... WTF? Well anyway.

I'm going to put new posts below this one for a while, so this stays up top.

Okay I've seen a couple other people do this and thought it was a good idea. Please and pretty please, I'm hoping people will be willing to claim their hits.

If you are one of the following, gimme a holler, won't you?

I'm only listing the ones that have come to visit more than once or twice, and only the ones I'm not sure of.

Nashville (Mac user - yay!)
Oak Ridge, TN.
Edmondton, Alberta
Toronto (Donnell?)
Dover, Mass
Saint Joseph, Michigan
Odessa, Florida
Melbourne, Florida
Chicago, Illinios

I'm thinking about putting my email address back in my profile in case someone doesn't want to claim their hit publicly (and thus reveal their whereabouts). If someone wants me to do that, put it in a comment and I'll get on it.

Anyway, thanks!

Dub

2006-01-23T00:53:00.000-06:00

So guess who's here talking at one of my local universities? Why, none other than Dubya! He's at K-State this morning (complete with a purple tie in honor of school colors). I notice as I'm watching that he's developed a bit of a tick in his jaw. It's kind of strange.

I hope what we've done does some good in the middle east. And I really hope that the world doesn't continue to hate us because they hate him. We are not all like him. I'm not saying I disagree with every move he has made, but the ones that I disagree with, I really disagree with. I'm afraid he's ruined our relationships in the world.

Kansas has 6 electoral votes and Missouri has 11. That sucks, considering f'ing Texas has 34. The right-wingers have all the votes! That's like giving all the guns to the children. I think the electoral college is shit. Thankfully California holds 55. There are a lot of crunchies over there. Since I'm a crunchy in a fairly mushy state, I'll let Californians represent me, electorally speaking.

Don't Let A Suitcase Filled With Cheese Be Your Big Fork and Spoon

2006-01-18T11:29:00.001-06:00

I went for a drive the other day because it's been weirdly warm and beautiful for January. I snagged my camera, rolled the windows down, and headed out with my Chemical Brothers (Dig Your Own Hole - one of my all-time fave albums) blaring. Well I thought I'd drive by my old apartment just for nastalgia, and who do I see standing in the parking lot by their car, arms flapping around angrily, yelling and red-faced? Why, the infamous love/hate couple I always had to hear fighting/f*cking when I was there. I have no idea how many posts on here were about them, but I'm sure a couple of you who have read my blog for a while will know what I'm talking about. Well, they're still at it. She's screaming and pointing at him like she wishes her finger could fire bullets, and he's pointing at the apartment door like she's a loose dog and needs to get back inside THIS INSTANT. Naturally I can't help but laugh, and at the precise point when my mouth is wide open in the HA HA HAA! pose, the color and shape of my car causes them to look (yellow, round) and bitch looks straight at me, looking at them and laughing, and flips me off and storms off toward the apartment.

Aaaah, yes. Making my customers happy is my number one priority. I should have taken a picture, just to ice their cake. I kinda feel bad about laughing, but it's just that... well, it's fucking funny. I mean, I finally get away from them, and the one day I decide to swing past there again, there they are like old times. It was priceless.

Observations of the Day
A. Bananas must be post-green and pre-spottage to be appropriately delicious.
ii. I love it when men shave their heads down to a barely-visible stubble with slightly longer facial hair (especially a goatee). That shit is hot.
3. Penile piercing is repulsive.
Four. Cheap paintbrushes shed in the paint on your canvas and f*ck everything up.

p.s. - I wonder how many people know who the person pictured above is. She's one of my favorite people ever. I'm pretty sure I'd do her in any situation in any location in any position. Hint: She has a fetish.

Dr. Giggles

2006-01-15T10:22:00.000-06:00

So there I was in the shower, steam so thick I could barely see, and I'm shaving. I start to feel a tingle in my nose and my breath catches. .Girls, you'll know what I'm about to say. So I lift the blade away from my shin and take a deep breath. The tingle goes away I put the blade back down, and run it back up my shin, when out of the blue the tingle comes back and *ACHEW* I sneeze. It was one of those where you don't get much warning, it just happens. I continue shaving, now on the inside of my calf, and realize that blood has begun running down my shin. I rinse my leg and TSSSS feel the sting. You know how it is - you don't really feel it when it happens, but when it hits the water, watch out. That shit hurts. Especially if the water is really hot. Now I have a owee on my weg.

I totally feel like Michael from "The Office" when he steps on the grill and walks around with bubble wrap around his foot so every will feel sorry for him. I'm wounded. I have a disability. Someone owes me a pudding cup.

Phi Beta Cannabis

2006-01-12T09:14:00.000-06:00

Okay, if you love campy musicals, you are hereby ordered to rent Reefer Madness! It's genius. I just saw it for the first time, and I'm telling you, it's hilarious. It has tons of little things you could miss if you aren't paying attention.

To enjoy this movie, though, the following must be true: 1) You have to recognize sarcasm, since the whole thing is sarcastic as hell. 2) You have to be into musical-type campiness, like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. 3) You have to have a good sense of humor.

In other words, if you're a republican prude or otherwise uptight nutwad, you wouldn't grasp the humor.

Oh, and it's got a bunch of cool people in it.

It's as sweet as Shirley Temple dipped in pudding.

great weekend

2006-01-11T13:58:00.000-06:00

I had a good weekend. Did you guys? I know it's wednesday. I've been reading everyone else's blogs but not posting on mine.

Anyway, still working on this project. I think it's time for me to stop this one and move on. I'll come back to this later. I just keep changing stuff. It's like... I'll think I have it how I want it, then I decide I want to change "just this one thing," and then I end up making it worse. Bah.

I'm planning a trip. I think I'm going to fly this time instead of driving. There's a place on the west coast that I haven't visiting in a couple of years, and I think I'm going to go back soon, possibly next month. Sooner if I can make it work. Eventually I'll take some of my art over there and sell it. Not this trip, but eventually.

I have a headache. I'd smack someone in the lip for an espresso. Mmm and biscotti.

Nathan Lane's nose pisses me off

2006-01-05T18:19:00.000-06:00

I just stumbled upon the utter genius of a girl's blog, whose last post asked this question:

What is the biggest secret you keep from your parents? I know, most of us have several, but what is the biggest one?

Observations of the Day
1. Life without kosher dills isn't worth living.
b. Even if you're a Pepsi girl, sometimes you crave a Coke.
iii. Cats are like dogs without the unconditional love and the unselfish companionship.

Ping is suing me.

2006-01-04T11:14:00.000-06:00

Okay so I not only painted my jeans, but my hair, too. I look good with a streak of green.

Today's tidbits: Did anyone else hear about Patrick Swayze planning on releasing a rap single? I'm not joking.

Speaking of people changing in weird ways, remember when Tom Cruise was hot instead of creepy?

WayBack Machine:

Aah, the good ol' days before religion fucked everything up. Oops, was that wrong?

Another example to prove my point: Mel Gibson

I think reading the Bible a lot makes you less attractive. It's not that they have aged. It's not the age difference I'm talking about here. Because men get sexier with age, as unfair as that is.

Okay, before anyone gets pissed at me, know that just because I'm not religious doesn't mean I'm not spiritual. I just don't believe in the bible or big organized religions (read: Catholicism).

Ah, what the hell. Get pissed.

Observations of the Day:
A. Peanut butter is really good on hot toast.
2. Independent Film Channel rocks.
iii. Girls named Jennifer are usually stuck-up.
D. Girls named Tiffany are usually bitches and/or sluts.
5. Men named Chip are funny, but "just friends" material.

Mmm, coffee. Gotta go.

by dose is sore

2006-01-01T16:33:00.000-06:00

I'm sick. It sucks.

Spent a few days in the dark room. Been working on a new piece. It's a mixed media with some of my photography scraps. I have a big pile of dark-room goofs (really cool actually) that didn't print as well as I'd hoped. I sometimes incorporate them into art projects. I also cut up used canvases and stuff. I've got a pretty good flow going. I dumped a glob of red paint on my jeans and even that looks kinda groovy. Anyway, I'm not sure how long this will last. Sometimes I loose my mojo half way through a piece and have to stand it up against the wall for a few months.

New Year's Resolutions:

the obvious one: not pay a monthly gym membership for nothing. I live right down the block from my gym for crying out loud.

stop saying "for crying out loud"

cut my hair short. I've had long hair for way too long. I should try at least cut it shorter, like, to my shoulders. (aaah!)

stop compulsively buying bras and make do with the drawer full I already have

walk my dog more often

take more road trips

take my vitamins

return phone calls once in a while

I guess that was kinda boring. Nothing extreme like, stop robbing banks, showering while using the hair dryer, or having wild flings. Those are the things I have no intention of quitting.

Observations of the Day:
1. I can't stand Eva Longwhoria.
ii. MEN named Mark are almost always hot.
C. Orange juice with no pulp is like brownies with no chocolate.

Merry Holidays and all that shit

2005-12-25T15:26:00.000-06:00

Howdy.

How is everyone's holiday going? I don't celebrate Christmas, so I can blog today.

I just finished school! I can't friggin' believe it. Now I get to return all the phone calls and email msgs I haven't replied to in weeks.

Onward and upward, as they say. I guess I could keep going and get my doctorate. Dr. Kara M***y. That would be freaky.

Which reminds me. I googled my name (in google images) and there are a bunch of pictures of girls with my name. One is apparently a "cabin councilor," and another was wearing a long blue gown and looks like she has a metal rod up her ass. So which one am I? Thankfully, none of them are me.

So, because Rachel was so into the Gingerbread Blast at Sonic, I decided to try one while I was there yesterday. And my gawd that's some good shit. I recommend them if you like gingerbread.

Observations of the Day:

1) Boys named Mark are almost always hot.

B. Salt trucks are really farking loud when you're trying to sleep (I imagine those of you in the south have no idea what a salt truck is, but just know - they are loud).

iii: Like Donnell, I am deeply addicted to Sudoku puzzles. I predict that there will be a 12-step forming for this soon.

5 Facts

2005-12-11T22:24:00.000-06:00

I got infected by K. (You should totally go to her site, but if you pee a little when you laugh really hard, be wearing a diaper.)

Directions: Write 5 random facts about yourself, and then list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect. Also, leave a post to these people letting them know they have been infected.

Here goes:

1. When nobody is around, I sometimes watch Three's Company. I know, I know.

2. I like making silly putty snap, crackle, and pop by putting air bubbles in it and then squeezing.

3. I love getting my nails done, but always feel really dirty because it feels so good when they massage my hands. Makes me feel guilty.

4. I really want to put a tiny stud in my nose. I think I have one of those noses that could pull it off, too.

5. I totally adore vodka martinis. Especially with about 1 billion olives.

Okay. I hereby infect:

Rachel

Murph (Yeah right, you're never on anymore. But I can hope)

h8

Kevin

JB

Jump in if you want to. I'd be interested to see what you come up with. Mine were so completely random that I have no idea what made me think of them.

Hope everyone has a good week. Mine's going to suck royal blue gonads.

Favorite Quotes [Part 1]

2005-12-09T05:08:00.000-06:00

1. I've got a fever. And the only prescription... is more cowbell.

2. (read this one aloud if you don't get it:) Once a woman is introduced to Colonel Angus, she'll settle for nothing less. They say all the womenfolk just love Colonel Angus!

Colonel Angus: "And if I overstay my welcome, just tap me on the head."

Colonel Angus: [ to a passing farm boy ] "You there, Boy! Ride into town and tell the Postmaster that if anyone is looking for Anal Angus.. to come knockin' at the rear entrance of Shady Thicket."

3. "Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports."

Peter: "Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, uh, I use the side door, that way Lumbergh can't see me... after that I sorta space out for an hour."

Milton: "I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire."

"Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt, NO salt on the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the glass."

4. Tyler Durden: "This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

"I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

"I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection."

[there are just way to f'ing many bitchin' quotes from Fight Club. If you haven't seen it, you should seriously drop everything and watch it, post haste.]

The shit is caked on there.

2005-12-08T13:18:00.000-06:00

You know what I hate? When people are so insecure that they have to wear a good three pounds of makeup. It looks like spackle.

This girl in one of my classes that wears so much mascara that it looks like a family of spiders are trying to crawl out of her skull. It's nasty. And the lip-liner! My GOD!

Anyway, she approached me yesterday to ask me my opinion on something, I could barely hear what she was saying, because her face was humming like a flourescent light. It was like, when you're swinging a spiral phone cord, and it does that 3d thing that makes you dizzy. Her skin is back a full inch from the level of the makeup. Then the spiderlegs flapping everywhere. Ech. I just wanted to take the trowel away from her, hold her face in a toilet, and flush about 5 times until the water actually penetrates the surface of her makeup, and then take a sander or a chisel to that shit.

they're real, and they're spectacular

2005-12-06T22:46:00.000-06:00

Okay so this morning I go to this girl's dorm room to work on a project. No, I'm not saying it in quotes, like "working on a project," because we really were. Anywho, it was a really nice building, so I was kind of expecting this really clean room with the shoes all lined up in a row and shit. So boy was I surprised when we walked in the door and there were little walking paths everywhere, and tons of shit stacked on tons of shit.

I used to be a dorm girl. I know you have a lot of stuff and a little bit of space, so I just went with it. I put my stuff down and got out the stuff. We sat in her kitchen area at this weird table thing that came down from the wall and locked in place. It was weird, but kinda cool. Anyway, we got started, and about an hour in we decided we needed a calculator, and she said she had to use the bathroom, and would I go grab it off the desk in her bedroom. I walked in and saw that her desk sits perpendicular to her bed, in and L shape. I looked around the room a little bit. It was actually pretty cool. She had posters on the wall of good (and bad) bands, and hot (and fugly) guys, the normal stuff. She had a "hello kitty" pillow on her bed. And that's when I saw it. Now I'm not absolutely sure if I'm right in my assumption. It was purplish silver. It was a hard plastic. You see where I'm going with this? It was sticking out from under her sheet.

I kinda freaked out and frantically moved stuff around on her desk to find the calculator, and fuLEW out of that room. I know my face was a little red. Not because of what I saw, but because I felt so much like I'd just violated her privacy. It was obvious that it was supposed to be covered. And then I had to work on the project like I hadn't just seen something that had seen something that had been in lahdeedee land. This is an experience I could really do without. It's different when I know her, and have some sort of familiarity with her sexual side. But I don't know this girl from LaTisha. Frankly, I don't really like her, either.

And after I left, I couldn't help but think I should have covered it the rest of the way, because think about it. She's going to go back in later, see that, and wonder if I saw it. If I had covered it up, then she wouldn't worry about it. I'm supposed to meet with her again Friday morning. I think I'll have a calculator in my bag.

Man. There is nothing more awkward than stumbling across someone else's private stuff. Well, I guess she could have seen me seeing it. That would have been a lot worse. eew.

Relax. Don't to it.

2005-12-03T14:23:00.000-06:00

South Park Studios has a flash gizmo that you can use to create your own character. So. I decided to see what I would look like if I were drawn by the South park guys.
As you can see, it's strikingly accurate. Especially given the wings and the corset. How perfect is that?

So I got sick of my photo and blog description and changed them. I've changed my template too many times, and there are too many custumizations for me to switch that, but I think that will do it.

Anyway, someone's comment to my last post got my cogs turning. I have a theory. Are you ready? Here goes:

I think that the first romantic relationship a person has sets the pace for all the following relationships. If the person is pushy and theatric with their romantic gestures (and you kinda like it), then that's what you want in future boyfriends/girlfriends because you like the excitement of that feeling. So. If your next partner is calm or subtle (romantically speaking), perhaps less animalistic, it may be a nice change for a short time, but then you get... well, bored.

On the other hand, if they are pushy and raw and you DON'T like it, then from then on, you don't prefer calmer, more subtle people (and might be less... raw and into-it yourself). So if you end up with someone like, oh, say, ME, then you don't know what to do with yourself and just avoid them (sexually) all-together.

What do you think?

Today's Eye Candy:
Gael García Bernal
(see "Bad Education" if you dare)

feel you from the inside

2005-11-30T12:15:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a serious post. Because I'm in a serious mood. As some of you know, I've somewhat recently relocated into a place of residence containing a member of the male species.
My Question:
Is it wrong for a feminist to want to be objectified? Here's the thing. I'm with this guy that's like... a "nice guy." He has genuine feelings and is super nice and good and sweet. And while it's true that I want to be respected and treated decently in the normal day-to-day, when the sun goes down, I'm the type of girl that kind of... I guess sex is just better for me when the guy isn't afraid to enjoy himself and let his inner animal out. I know that everyone has a different sexual personality, and I wonder if ours don't clash a little bit. Because when I get male attention and it's like that (objectifying to a degree), I go insane. In a good way. The relationships I've had that were the most... firestarting were the ones where, as soon as the door was shut, he was attacking me like a fucking inmate let loose for an hour. That shit is hot. I'm into that.
So my question is, I guess, if that means that I'm two-faced. Because I'm all about feminism in every possible way (I'm bisexual for fuck's sake), but at the same time, I don't want to be someone that a guy doesn't see as... a goal of sorts. Does that make any sense? I've never talked about this before, but what's a blog for if I can't vent this type of shit, right?
I guess part of me is just worried. Can I be in a long-term relationship with someone with a different sexual personality? Will I be tempted to cheat when a different guy treats me like a piece of steak he wants to devour?

I think a guy could quite easily distract me from a "nice guy" if he were to offer to fuck me in a stairwell. Know what I mean?
Life is so hard.

I guess it all boils down to long term vs. short term relationships. Settle with the nice guy and want to fuck the not-nice guy? Or will I be able to have a forever type relationship with a non-nice animal? I somehow doubt it. A girl like me has needs.

Ooh ooh, what if there was a guy out there that was nice, a good person through-and-through, AND he was a sexual deviant?

Nah. Those guys don't exist. sigh. I wish I could become a full-on lesbian. Best of both worlds. But I just... can't. Men are just too good to abandon.

RubyRubyRubyRuby SoHo

2005-11-23T09:33:00.000-06:00

Is it too late to drop out? I mean, I know that I have a month left before I have a degree and all, but um... Yeah. I'd like to go ahead and uh... withdraw from the university. Thankyouverymuch.

Ech. And my satanic teacher, the one that screams at everyone, is getting more and more DARK SIDED. Do you guys get those teacher evaluation things? We do... at the end of every semester, we evaluate our teachers, and fill out this essay thing about any issues we have, pro or con. Here's what mine will say for Dr. Darkside:

"Dr. Darkside is not of this earth. He has been born straight from the semen in the ballsack of Satan himself, and has come to this university to turn artists into psychos via constant torture. He wears expensive clothes, but only to cover the fact that just under that pullover sweater, there are bubbling boils and green sludge oozing from every inch. I'm sure he must only feast on sacrificed virgin lambs every midnight of a full moon.

Please remove him from any and all departments and have him transported back to be with those of his kind [the other university in town is my guess, bwa ha haaa] so that us innocent geniuses can get on with our educations.

Sincerely,
Kara M****y"

What do you think? I mean, what can they do to me? I'll be gone before they read it.

Seriously, he made a girl cry yesterday. I like, want to walk my dog into his classroom and see if he freaks out and gets his fur all raised up and starts foaming and shit. Dogs can sense Satanic Ballsack Spawn.

Now Playing: Army of Me, Bjork

Simpson's Individual Water Absorb-a-tex Stringettes! Away with floods!

2005-11-21T00:15:00.000-06:00

Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang!

Mr. Simpson: Thank you.

Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet.

Mr. Simpson: How do you do.

Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?

Mr. Simpson: No.

Wapcaplet: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

Mr. Simpson: String.

Wapcaplet: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell anything.

Mr. Simpson: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand miles of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it--

Wapcaplet: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

Mr. Simpson: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.

Wapcaplet: Well, that's our selling point! "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"

Mr. Simpson: What?

Wapcaplet: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

Mr. Simpson: For what?

Wapcaplet: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

Mr. Simpson: Such as?

Wapcaplet: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

Mr. Simpson: Destroying household pests?! How?

Wapcaplet: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

Mr. Simpson: Well surely!....

Wapcaplet: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

Mr. Simpson: Hospitals!?

Wapcaplet: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

Mr. Simpson: No, but it's only string!

Wapcaplet: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's... it's waterproof!

This goes on... it's so hilarious... Monty Python's skit "String" from "Contractual Obligation." I highly recommend it.

Kevina Federlinetta tells a story

2005-11-16T14:56:00.000-06:00

Okay so this guy, right? He's all... hot and stuff, right? So like, I'm all "hey, you're like... hot and stuff." And he goes "yeah you too. You wanna like... go out or whatever?" and so I was like whoa, yeah and I said to him, I said, "yeah sure, okay. I mean, ya know, whatever."

So then we like... went out, right? And I was all... daayaaamm this guy is foyne. And we all... went out and saw a flick and all that. So then he was like, walking me to the door and totally didn't kiss me. So I was all.. okay it's the first date or whatever. So I go in, my heart was all... thumping and shit, cuz this guy is fly, y'all. And like, cool and shit, we was into the same things and shit.

So then he picks me up a few days later and is all "damn girl you look goodt [pronounced like a grunt], how you dooin'?" And I was like... damn he fly. I said to him I said, "te shoo. You know. I'm aight." And then he's all, droppin my ass off and standing like, three feet away and some shit. So I was like... whatever, ya know? But it was all good because we kept going out and having a good time and shit.

So then like... we're all sittin on my porch an all, and he's sittin there next to me, right? And he goes, like this he goes: "Hey you. Look at me." And my heart started "thumpin' hard like I wished he would [now push it]" and I looked at him, and he like, leans in and shit. And I'm all, 'finally,' in my head, you know. And he lays it on me. And I'm all.... oh HELL yeah. Cuz it's like, The Shit. And I'm thinking 'damn I'm glad he waited and shit, cuz that there was the BOMB.' But I play it cool, so I was all supadope casual. I wasn't aBOUT to tell him what his kiss did to me in some certain areas. And stuff. So yeah I'm cool as ice, yo, and just lean back. He's all, "mmm" and shit. I smile, right? And I'm like, "yep." And I nod and act like I can think straight, like I ain't phased a bit. All the while knowing my friends'd already be all up on his junk or whatever. But I play it supadope casual. Cool as ice, baby. Twinkle twinkle.

Gargyles, Pslychics, it's all UNGODLY.

2005-11-15T17:15:00.000-06:00

Oh. My. God.

This is SO DARK-SIDED! I'm giving this up to GOD. I REBUKE THIS IN THE NAME OF THE LORD.

But seriously you guys, check this out! (Be sure to scroll down and see the autographed picture!)

Man, she makes Christians look like... I don't know what. Oh, and here's the woman herself, when she was little:

Man, people couldn't make this shit up.

Uncle Joey's Hair

2005-11-10T22:50:00.000-06:00

Now THIS, my friends, is a scary image. At least she doesn't take herself so seriously that she can't make ridiculous faces like this. Oh, it's Mary Kate Olsen, if you couldn't recognize her

I'm sure you'll want to scrub your mind out with a brillo pad now, but hey.

It's 11 and my eyes are burning and my body is tired and telling me to curl up between the sheets and let sleep wrap around me. But here I am, not wanting to be still enough to let the panic suffocate me.

The last semester of your college education is going to SUCK people. Trust me. It'll be exhilarating because you know it's coming and you'll no longer have art projects and art movements and historical figures and literary documents to memorize. But at the same time... Man there is SO much work to do. I'm like, down to the wire every day. Some other thing is coming up due, all the while I'm working on my senior projects so that won't sneak up on me, too.

I see these little larval freshmen walking around with their sketch pads and shit, and I'm like... you have no idea what you're in for, buddy.
None.

The devil wears a pullover sweater and a tie.

2005-11-09T18:22:00.000-06:00

I totally got reamed by a professor today. It was rather frightening on a quiet, dreary Wednesday. I went on that website I told you guys about (rate my professors or whatever) and I had seen that everyone said that the guy was a loose canon, and would snap at people out of the blue. I was like, "oh nu-uh bitches. He is such a nice person!" And now this.

I walked into his office to ask him a question, and suddenly the top of his scalp opened up and a red light bulb raised up out of the cavernous emptiness and started spinning around, making that weeeuurr weeeurr cop-car sound. A dollup (sp) of spit eased down his chin and his eyes began to glow this eery green light.

"KARA M****Y, I BELIEVE THIS IS A PROBLEM YOU SHOULD WORK OUT ON YOUR....OWN....TIME... PLEASE."

I lowered my head and risked flashing him a second of eye contact. "So sorry, I see I've caught you on a day you were stranded in a stall after eating pickled spinach and nobody would spare a square or something. I'll uh, I'll try Dr. V down the hall. Uh..." I started backing toward the hallway.

His venomous glare was my goodbye, so I turned on my nike and skeedattled, feeling the blast of fire singe a few hairs on the back of my head as I made my escape.

I'm lucky to be alive. I guess my cute eyelash batting does nothing on a guy like that.

Typical College Girl

2005-11-07T17:47:00.000-06:00

It has recently come to my attention that I wear a lot of typical "college girl" style clothing. Is it a bad idea to always be wearing a hooded sweatshirt with my college emblem on it? Because seriously, I live in my collection of the damn things.

And my damn hair. Honestly. It pisses me off and I throw it up in one of those annoying messy wads, or in a ponytail, and pretend it isn't there.

In other words, I look like a million other college girls here. We all just like... ebb and flow out of buildings and down sidewalks.

I even have the fucking iPod.

Gah. At least I'm a Chuck Taylor girl. And not one of these new-fangled wannabe ones with the barbie voice, but one of the ones with the eyeliner. Except I lost the angst part of it years ago. And the safety pins. And the scowl.

Dwight Schrute, Assistant [to the] Regional Manager

2005-11-06T17:36:00.000-06:00

Okay, you just have to love The Office. There is nothing more funny than that shit. And Dwight... geez. Dude steals the show.

Dwight: "The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."

Not to mention he's a killer on the dojo.

And anyone that doesn't love Steve Carell can go straight to hell.
He was genius in Anchorman and The 40 Year Old Virgin, and he is priceless on The Office.

Seriously, he doesn't even have to say anything to be funny enough to induce pants-peeing. My only beef with the show is that it's only a half-hour. And that's just fucking wrong, man.

Don't say I never gave you anything:

2005-11-02T18:27:00.000-06:00

Posting a story about my first um, sans-male experience turned out to be beneficial to my wednesday in ways I didn't expect.
It caused a chain of events that lead to the explication of certain behaviors pertaining to that which is not strictly "hetero" in the sense that there was a certain amount of activities which did indeed completely omit the male gendered species yet ended in the completion of three or more tasks per individual. I guess one might say that sharing a story caused a certain female friend to request a "retelling" and then a reinactment, and since said friend is someone with whom I partake in similar activities once in a while, why it would have been just plain-ol' mean to not indulge her. It's sometimes a little shaky at first, but we always work it out.

That said, I can move on to less interesting issues.

This girl I know is flying off to another country to meet some guy she met online. I shit thee not. And she won't be talked out of it. She's a friend of a friend that I frankly can't stand, but I feel kinda sorry for her at the same time. How bad does your self-esteem have to be to fly across the globe to stay for 2 months with a man you have never even seen? I mean, the guy could be a serial killer, and she could be flying directly into his lair.

To be honest, I won't be surprised if, after their first hour or two, he kicks her ass to the curb. Hope she has a fag or two to smoke while leaning on the bonnet of a motucah and asks to borrow someones telly to ring-a-ding home and send 'round for to snag a cabby.

remember silverchair?

2005-10-31T22:38:00.000-06:00

So how was everyone's Halloween? Mine was mediocre I suppose, although I did get stabbed by a cat, had a 14 year old boy stare down my shirt with a drip of drool on the corner of his mouth, and had Buzz Lightyear tell me about an "army man" with a "big machine gun."

So I don't know if you guys have had to use those damn academic article databases, but I'M SICK OF THEM. EBSCOhost, etc. You know what I mean? MLA database, Gale Group, etc. etc. etc.. GAH. I'm so sick of this shit.

I feel like I'm in this pit, and I can see the daylight up above my head, but I can't climb out because I can't grab anything solid to lift myself out. I have this calendar with a countdown on it, and I have less than a month's worth of days left, total, and even that seems like an eternity. And the real kicker is that when I think of all the shit I have to get done by then, it seems like five seconds, way too short for me to get my shit done and submitted.

Oh, on a sidenote, I found this nifty site a long time ago, called Rate My Professors, where you can view other people's opinions of your teachers, including if they are hot or not.

It's fucking hilarious to hear what other people say. I mean, this woman I had a few semesters ago that has 30's hair and wears nurse shoes was called 'hot' by honest-to-god students. WTF?

omfg what is going ON around here?

2005-10-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

Good grief, and it's not even a full moon!

I saw at least three car accidents today on my way home! It's like everyone forgot how to drive and the hopped in the car with a bottle of Absolut. One was really nasty looking, although I think it only involved one car. There was mud everywhere, and an ambulance, and a cop directing traffic, the whole bit. Makes me sad. :-(

School has me really f*cked up right now. I'm so stressed out... it's like I have a shitpot of work to do, so I just panic and doin't do any of it. Then later, I'm pissed off because I had a moment of free time and didn't use it to do something to ease my burden. AAAGHHH!

I quit. F*ck it all. I'm quiting 25 days before I graduate.

Okay maybe not, but damn I wish I had a joint the size of my arm right about now. I think I'll grab some Absolut and go for a drive.

I'm Tyler Durden's Bitch

2005-10-27T00:42:00.000-05:00

What's the deal with 12 year olds sportin' the skankbag look? I can't believe that kids that aren't even in junior high are wearing low-rise jeans and halters. Eeew. That's just wrong. And little boys no older than 10 dropping f-bombs. What the hell? What is this world coming to?

You should be at least 17 before you become a skeezy flea-sportin' gutter slut , and should be at least 20 before you become a p.i.m.p., backhanding, wife-beater-wearing crab host . I mean, look at Brit and KFed.

Wow, my 85th post.

2005-10-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

Here's another bunch of these photos. Am I wrong or does little Angelina look exactly like a mini Janeane Garofalo? Seriously. Oddly, I've had crushes on them both at one time or another, back when I had "crushes." I don't know what I have now. I guess... well, I don't know. What do y'all call a person (celeb or otherwise) that you think is really hot? Anyway, have you seen the movie Gia? Cuz if you haven't, you're doing yourself a real injustice. Well, unless lesbionics, nudity, or heavy drug use freak you out.

Oh, here's a dirty secret I'll let you in on. And this is really embarassing. When I was 12 or 13, I had the hugest crush on Pauly Shore. Back in his "hey buuuuddy" phase. True story.

Anywho, check this out:

Thanks Jay Bee for the photos!

Check this shit out:

2005-10-21T17:04:00.000-05:00

How weird... They were like... real people once. How adorable was little Kurt? Awww! (I totally feel like "Stewart's mom" when she goes "Gaaawwwdcher cyeewt!" to the rosy-cheeked Stewart right before he goes: "Keep away from my danger zone!")

What's funny is how little we change over time. I mean, we change SO much, but the things that change aren't the things that make us identifiable, so we still look... the same.

I Heart Sue

2005-10-20T09:33:00.000-05:00

I discovered her show a couple years ago, and I don't get it where I live, but I've seen a few episodes. It crosses so many lines that I can't count 'em. You have to love a 70 year old woman imitating fall*tio on tv for a confused, gay male caller.

She has to have some serious nuggets to do what she does. Hats off.

me me me me meeee Meme:

2005-10-20T09:10:00.000-05:00

Stole this from a blog I visit.

What color is most reflective of you?
light purple

How did you get the idea for your journal/blog name?
It's pretty self-explanatory. I'm spilling my guts heah.

What time were you born? just after 9 am

What song are you playing now (or wish you were playing)?
Joan Jett - "Do You Want To Touch Me There (Oh Yeah)"

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Yes, but not because they were a celebrity.

What color underwear are you wearing?
black bikini briefs

Do you want a baby?
Yes

What color are your bedsheets?
pale yellow

What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?
516

What was the last concert you attended?
Green Day

What was the last movie you saw?
A History of Violence

Who do you dislike most at this moment?
The guy that hit my sister's dog and shattered her pelvis. F*cking f*ucker.

Did you dream last night?
Yes, something about going somewhere. Or something.

What was the last TV show you watched?
The Office

What is to the left of you?
an empty glass with a straw sticking out

What is the last thing you ate?
A bowl of minestrone

Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
my housemate

Write a song lyric that's in your head:
She wore lemon, see-through in the sunlight. She had heaven, and she held on so tight. (U2, as if you didn't know)

Who last IMed you?
My mom, actually.

What shampoo do you use?
John Freida (sp?) Blonde Shampoo

When was the last time you cut your hair?
August

Are you on any meds?
Yep. I got me some mad allergies, yo

What shirt are you wearing?
A blue t-shirt with my university emblem

What is your favorite frozen treat?
Cold Stone Creamery - chocolate with brownie

Are you sexy?
depends on who you ask. I think so sometimes, depending on what I'm um... doing.

What's your favorite shopping store?
The Apple Store (badass gadgets, not fruit), or Bed Bath and Beyond, or Pier One

Go Figure.

2005-10-17T16:13:00.000-05:00

The instructions are as follows:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence or closest to it.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Here goes:

"Sometimes I think I'm too easy to piss off."

Lesbionics a la carte

2005-10-17T13:17:00.000-05:00

Due to popular request, I started writing a line-by-line account of the night of my first same-sex experience, but it got really long, so I'm leaving it as a draft and sending an abbreviated version out into the world. A tad nervous, but I'm still counting on the fact that nobody in my day-to-day life knows I have a blog.

Summary, truncated:

I went to a party with some friends. Got a little bit high and made out with a guy I'd had a crush on forever. We were on the bed staring, you know how you do, and my friend walked in. Out goes Hot Guy to pee and grab a beer. Friend says she wants to tell me something. I giggled, still laying there staring up, and she told me she had a thing for me, how could I not notice? I didn't think she was serious, so I laughed. She said something else to try to convince me, but I kept thinking she was kidding. She pinned my arms down to the bed above my head and looked right at me. She told me she was serious and really slowly leaned down and kissed me, really softly. I was totally turned on, but at the same time, freaked out that my friend of like, three years, was straddling me and her hair was hanging around my face, and she was telling me she had "a thing" for me. I had no idea how to act, so I just went with it. I kissed her back, and she started reaching under my shirt. I was just high enough that I didn't really help her get my clothes off (how'd she do that? I still don't know), but she knew what she was doing, apparently.

She did the things I'd had done before, but in a totally different and completely amazing way. Her kisses were much softer and lighter than guy kisses, and her hands were gentle and... just knew. I basically just relaxed and let it happen. I remember her skin being so soft that I couldn't stop touching her, like she was some totally new thing I'd never seen. Her skin tasted sweet and clean, and her hair smelled like flowers. I vaguely remember Hot Guy walking in and sitting down, but I'm pretty sure neither of us paid him any mind. I just know that he was there when it was over, looking like a tent. Anyway, we were a tangle of limbs and mouths, and were both being very vocal (I don't think any of them were actual words).

I think I had two before I couldn't take it any more and took over. I had no idea what I was doing, but apparently I was good at it, and we ended up in another tangle, laying on each other afterwards exhausted. It still hadn't hit me that it was real, that the whole thing wasn't a dream, that she'd been serious, and that my her breast was actual still in my hand as I lay there spinning. My heart didn't slow down until I was at home that night, but believe me when I say I couldn't sleep. Eventually she and I hooked up again, but never again with the high to interfere.

With future girlfriends, I learned about the thrill of breathmints in the mix (think about it), how to maneuver in small car-like spaces, and how to have hands too busy for popcorn in the theater.

I hope I didn't leave out enough to annoy, but did leave out enough to disgust anyone. Not that I really care if it disgusts someone, I guess. Their own fucking problem, if you ask me.

But anyway. I'm feeling rather exposed at the moment. I think I'll go busy my mind with non-sexual thoughts now.

Now Playing from my iTunes playlist: Beck, "Black Tambourine"

"I told you five or four times..." (chorus repeats)

2005-10-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

I got a girlfriend, she goes to art school, I got an art-school girlfriend, yeah! woot woot.

So anyway. Did anybody watch that video on my last post? Freakin' weird.

So today was an interesting day. I'm driving down a major road in my town, and it's two lanes going in each direction, plus a turn lane in the middle. I'm in the right lane, and there is a huge white van next to me in the left lane. The person driving it decides to turn into the restaurant parking lot via the entrance to the right of me. So they just turn their big asses on in, almost smashing into my front end, and I had to slam on the brakes and head for the curb to avoid collision.

Stupid bitch.

[[ I should add that I hauled after her ass, all adrenalined up ready to kick some fucking ass, and the bitch fled! I drove all around the buildings near there, and she'd booked. Probably for the best, since there's a good chance I'd have a new entry to my criminal record. ]]

Another interesting thing - had a phone conversation with a friend who was at an "adult" store and was about to buy her first toy. She needed advisement. I tapped my bank of expertise to help her select the best item to suit her specific needs. She kept giggling at the variety, especially the "giant green beast with bumps." It was cute, really.

I guess I shouldn't make it sound like I'm a toy aficionado. I don't have much of a collection at all, I just uh.. knew what she'd like. Interpret that as you will. You'd be right.

Now Playing: "Rock'n'Roll Radio" -Ramones

Ass-slappage

2005-10-06T17:43:00.000-05:00

Oh my god, you guys LOOK!
(Don't watch this if you're at work!)

It's a video of Janet Jackson sunbathing. Uh, sans clothing items. Thank me later.

So. How's everyone doing? The sky didn't crash down when I aired my secrets. Aaaah. It feels good, really. Of course, I'd already told you guys the stuff that usually shocks people the most, like the "girl/girl" and the "girl/girl/girl" and the "boy/boy's restoom" and the "public places collection" and the "car" incidents. If I remember correctly, I took the post down. I'm thinking about reposting it, though. It's in still saved, only as a draft. It would just... round out my purge, if you will.

Man, the other night I ate Arby's for dinner. Lemmetellyouwhat... I was all curled up on the bathroom floor barphing and baurfing and barghfing. Now, let me be clear. I like Arby's sometimes. But when I have some sort of allergic reaction that causes me to lose more food than I thought I ate in 3 days... not good. So now I'm like... fast food phobic. I'm actually not even sure it was the Arby's. Perhaps the apple I ate for lunch that day still had pesticide on it or something.

Shit. I have to go write this thing for this gizmo so the dude can do that thing. Dammit.

Now Playing from my iTunes: "Sexy Boy" by Air
Oddly enough, the song just switched to "Prison Sex" by Tool

Copycat McStealapost

2005-10-04T12:15:00.000-05:00

Okay so obviously I had to follow suit. I just hope I can come up with stuff half as interesting.

Secret to semi-secret things about me:

1. When I was little, I would steal the plastic price-tag sliders off the edge of the grocery store shelf. I'd sink them into my pockets and feel I really accomplished something.

2. I used to sneak packets of lemon juice and drink them under the table, while my cousin ate the sugar packets.

3. I never could make stuffing my bra work for me, so I gave up after two tries. And now I'm about 1.5 cup sizes bigger than I ever wanted to be. I hate it when people talks to my tits instead of my face. Makes me want to kick them in the teeth.

4. I used to look at my best friend's feet and wish I could have cute feet, too. I hate mine.

5. When I was at my babysitter's, she had a bowl of mixed candy on top of her china cabinet. I would climb up and pull out a cinnamin bear every afternoon. I ate it in thirds, the head first, then about a half hour later, the feet, and then later the tummy.

6. I used to teach my friends about sex. When I was 8. I didn't know what I was talking about, but they all believed me.

7. I've worried since I was 14 that I'd grow up to be a sex addict because I thought about it so much. Elders assured me that it was hormones, and I'd grow out of it, but I never did. I think if I wasn't so scared of STDs and hurting people, I think I'd be a huge slut (I don't sleep around, believe it or not). Nobody around me knows how bad it is (nobody I know knows about this blog). The simplest things can turn me on. It's embarrassing even though people don't know.

8. I used to love playing house. I was always an argumentative lawyer that said "I OBJECT!" to everything.

9. I used to drive a really huge, ugly car from the 70s. I pretended I was embarrassed of it because I lived in a wealthier neighborhood full of really nice cars, but I really loved it. I could always outrun newer cars at stop-lights, and make much more noise doing it.

10. I dyed my hair jet black when I was in my "grunge" stage, and it turned greenish because my hair is naturally blonde. I pretended I meant for it to be that color.

11. I pierced my own belly-button when I was in my 4-year "self-hatred" stage.

12. I peirced my own friggin' ear (at the top) with a thick safety pin when while I was stoned. I numbed it with a freakin ice cube for christ's sake.

13. I have eaten dog food before. I was little and it looked like my cereal, so I crunched down on a piece.

14. I love my dog more than I love most people. I'm such a dog person that I cried when the hurricane left dogs with no families to love them. I saw video where the camera panned the area, and you could see dogs just sitting there looking scared, hungry, and alone- and I fucking lost it.

15. One time I accidentally called a girl by her nickname when talking to her. The nickname some other kids gave her regarding her weight. I never forgave myself.

16. I secretly wish for chubby kids because they seem so much sweeter and more kind and sensitive. Though I don't think I really want that because they'd get teased at school. But the thought is still there.

17. I find Clive Owen incredibly sexy.

18. Nicholas Cage scares me a little bit. Like he's not quite right or something.

19. When I was a little girl, I was sure that I was an angel, and that God wanted me to help people like themselves. Which is really weird because now that's my favorite thing to do. I've never been religious, though.

20. I used to go visit a horse in the stables in Hermitage. He was sick and I knew he was probably going to die. I would talk to him and give him carrots, and cry. His nose was always bleeding. Then, one day after visiting him, I heard this cheesy, sad New Kids song, and from then on that song made me cry because I'd think about that horse.

21. I have a major phobia... I'm deathly afraid of farting in a classroom full of students. I've never done it, but it's one of my biggest fears.

22. One of my boyfriends couldn't kiss worth a damn. I hated kissing him SO MUCH. I never told him. Later, long after we broke up, I heard another girl talking about how badly he kissed, and how she didn't have the heart to tell him. I was kinda glad I hadn't told him and taught him to improve, because I didn't want that girl to have liked kissing him.

Look, kids! Mommy bought Syphilis!

2005-09-28T16:19:00.000-05:00

This, my friends, is our old friend, The Clap!

Okay how awesome is this... these people ("GIANTMicrobes") actually make plush viruses, bateria, and other goodies, including (drumroll please...) venereal diseases!

They even have bedbugs and bookworms! I'm totally getting my 20 year old brother a bag full from their "Venereals" collection!
Seriously, how funny would it be to give this to someone at like... a sweet 16 or a graduation party or something? Or a bachelor's party ("this will be the last gonorrhea you get, buddy" type thing). I don't know, but if I ever work in a cubicle, I'm SO surrounding my desk with these cute cuddly buggers, especially the Flesh Eaters!
Check out the plush version of what some of you are probably sportin' right this minute!

Get up, come on get down with the sickness!

I'm a shadow boxer, baby.

2005-09-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

Fiona Apple's new album (you know, the one that's been held up for what seems like decades), is finally available for pre-order on iTunes! It's called "Extraordinary Machine." I hope it's as good as Tidal was.

I just got Tiger! (It's a version of OS X) It has dashboard widgets! And Exposé! It's fabulous. I'm so in love with my Mac , and have been since WAAAAY before this iPod craze (I'll note that I had one before they were popular, and when they still cost 500 bucks for a 15 gig). I've been a hardcore Mac addict for most of my intelligent years. And they just keep getting better and better.

Eye Candy for today... it's a thing of beauty:
Anywho, I totally skipped school today. I just plum didn't go. I was planning on it, and got all dressed and shyte, but just shrugged it off when it was time to get in the car. Instead, I went to the fridge, grabbed a Pepsi, and sat down in a recliner. Can you believe this shit? Sometimes I don't even understand myself. I'll do stuff like that, totally unplanned, out of the blue, and for no particular reason. Last semester, I was on the road to school, and unexpectdly took a right instead of a left, and instead of going to class, went to the salon and had my nails done! WTF? Am I the only one that does these things?

I've been thinking. When do you switch from "early twenties" to "mid twenties," and later "late twenties?" I'm thinking early twenties is 20-23, and mid is 24-26, and late is 27-29. Which means I am in my mid twenties. Wow. Still chewing on that one. It hit me on my b-day that I'm dangerously close to thirty, which is a hop and a skip from forty, which is very near 50. So yeah, I'm putting a deposit down on my dentures next week.

Closer To Fifty

2005-09-19T18:08:00.000-05:00

Whellp, I'm this [ ] much closer to fifty. Birthday was groovin'. I did visit Home Depot and get myself drilled. I had a blissfully no-stress happy weekend. I just wish I felt the same right now... I pretty much feew like cwap. My ferocious beast of a soft cuddly dog is upstairs barking his fool head off at God Knows What, and that's not exactly Advil Liquigels on my head right now. I think I'm going to fix myself a stiff drink and go to bed early.

Went and saw Constant Gardener and Red Eye. CG was good, but sad, and I left feeling hopeless. Red Eye was better than I thought it was going to be, but the last two lines were cheap and cheesy.

Oh My God. I just looked over at the tv and it was a commercial for a pregnancy test. I guess I should fess up - I've (apparently) starred in a pregnancy test commercial. One where I paint "kara" on a big glass window. Yeah, they had to dye my hair brown and make me look about 10 years older for believability. I guess when I moved in with a housemate, they thought I'd fit the bill for someone that may get knocked up. (what's that phrase all about, anyway?)

Big Brother is pissing me off. All the assholes are gone and we're left with the lesbian and the self-righteous bitch. I'm obviously for the lesbian, but the person I wanted to win it is gone.

Well I guess I have nothing interesting to say, so I'll sign off. Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Here's a free piece of eye-candy, from me to you, in honor of my birthday...

Mrs. Murphy if your nasty

2005-09-14T21:50:00.000-05:00

You want to know something weird? I used to be a big Rodman fan. I loved his balls-out sort of style. He doesn't give a shit what we think of him. And that, my friends, is the way to be. The whole "wedding dress" fiasco disturbed me, but I was diggin' his nervy personality. I'm drawn toward the bold and ballsy.

That said...

I just really don't get the crochet wrap thing he's sporting here. Girls aren't even wearing them anymore. Of course this pic is probably from the dark ages, like... 2004, but still.

*ding* Topic Change

Man I'm tired. School schmool. I have to get up at 6:30 three times a week. I'm not cut out for that crap. And I found out that one of my finals is from 7-9 in Dec. WTF? And, by the way, I am so sick of people my age (okay a couple years younger). Girls are SO ANNOYING. How did I ever sleep with one? Geez. If I have to hear that nasally, whiny "oh my god, Becky, look at her butt, it is so big.. she must be one of those... Rap guys' girlfriends..." type voices, I'm going to take an aluminum bat to their teeth.

Please, GOD, tell me someone knows what that quote was from. I didn't make that up. Please. Lie to me if you have to.

*ding*

I'm about to have a birthday. Not exactly thrilled, but hey. I only get one a year, right? I'm thinking about going to the casino and having some drinks and... uh... going back to Home Depot.

Speaking of which, that's getting to be a more, shall we say, regular occurrence. I'm referring, of course, to building decks. I'm thinking about installing a pole in the basement. You know. To make things stand up. Poles are installed for their sturdiness and stability. You can hang things on them, too, you know.

I like Home Depot.

Lots of tools.

Apparently I'm a Dirty Girl.

2005-09-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Okay so now my ad account has been, for all intents and purposes, deactivated, because apparently [[[drumroll]]]

I have adult / mature content.

Excuse me? Do I look like someone who would post adult material? I think not.

So anyway, now my ads have been yanked. But, you can still use the search function, and if your search brings up sponsored links and you click one, I make money off of that. Which is cool. And you can still donate through my Red Cross link over there, but I make nothing off of that (which is cool, too).

So yeah. I guess I'm dirty even when I'm not. Which is never. So everything works itself out in the end, doesn't it?

I'm just trying to figure out what, exactly, they found that was questionable, given some of the other sites I see with their ads still up. I guess falling genitalia first onto my housemate could have set up a tiny red flag. But I rarely use explicit language, I just use suggetion or imagery.

Maybe their psychic and know that my mind is explicit and that I'm a danger to all things republican.

Gotta go, I'm late for my liberal, lesbian/gay rights, anti-war, anti-gun orgy sponsored by pornographers.

Multiples Are Good

2005-09-07T13:27:00.000-05:00

Aaaah. Hello my fellow bloggers!

Ah, yes. It's a beautiful day today, isn't it? Just lovely. I'm in such a jolly-good mood today! Why, you might ask?

Ah, well... I'm pretty sure you an figure it out.

iPod is now playing: "Androgyny" (Garbage)

Son of a

2005-09-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

I can't believe this hurricane shit. I wish I had more money... I gave some to Red Cross, and I'll give more next week and most likely the weeks after, but I still feel helpless. I can't imagine...

A local DJ was saying how we see these tragedies hit other countries and think, "wow, they just really weren't prepared. They should have planned ahead like we do in the US.

And here we are. I feel like it's some kind of nightmare. These people have no belongings, no jobs, no cars, no clothes, no hairbrushes, tampons, toothbrushes... and I mean, I know other nations have entire populations like this, but for that many Americans to be so without them, it's just very strange and horrifying. I don't mean that it's worse for us because we aren't used to it, I just mean it's startling. Alarming. Eye-opening.

I have family south of Nashvegas, and it hit them some (though not remotely liken further south). Their whole community has been the constant sound of chainsaws because there are so many downed trees. And look how far north that is in comparison to where the storm originated.

Nature is scary. And we are small.

whuh?

2005-08-30T19:25:00.000-05:00

Okay ladies. I have a question for you. How often is it that you wish you could pee standing up? Well if you answered "All the time, Kara!" then do I have the solution for you! It's called the P-Mate!

oh. my. god. Somebody invented this, which means they had prototypes that had to be tested, and then mock-ups that had to be manufactured. Anyone seeing anything weird here?

I'm rather stunned. Sure, it must be nice for guys to just flop 'er on out there and letterip, but honestly, we gals are just made to squat. But I suppose there are a few girls out there that would be tickled, uh, pink, to use something like this, namely my friend's mom who is a trucker and pees in a bucket until she has to stop to fill up with diesel. But for us outside the convoy... I just don't know. Any thoughts?

So following the Big Brother saga, James is probably going to get the boot tomorrow. In which case I'm going to be annoyed, because they already got rid of Kaysar, the sizzlin' hot strategical genius, and only because of his stoopid decision to let his guard down for a milisecond. I love the way James plays, too. He sets his jaw and bulldozes the bitches down. He's kinda hot too, if you like the fierce fiery sort.

I can't believe I'm consistantly keeping up with a show. It's not something I've been able to do much. I kept up with the very first version of The Mole (way back in what, high school?), and I think I eventually caught every episode of the first season of Monk, but other than that... It's touch and go. All except, of course, Barnie and Friends. Can't forget that.

I knew others who were really into BB, so I thought I'd see what all the fuss was about. Now I'm hooked.

Well I'm off to absorb some Mrs. Dalloway (Virginia Woolf for those not steeped in the literary world). My professor is a published literary critic and I have to at least seem like I know my shit to pass.

At least I have the weekend to look forward to, during which I may accidentally fall genitalia first on my housemate.

gesundheit

2005-08-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired of these farking allergies. Seriously. I was on Allegra, which works for me only about 15 hours, and the rest of the time I have to just suffer. So I went to the doc and tried Allerx, which you take twice a day, which barely works for me at all, much less for any length of time. I wake up and sneeze about fifteen times, then blow my nose until I have no skin left, take my am dose, and wait it out. Ech.

So today I'm supposed to go pick up my new prescription, or "script" as the hipsters call it. We'll see how that goes. If it doesn't work, see Paragraph One.

Moving went pretty well. Seems like everyone is moving right now. Tons of uhauls running around. Anyway, now I have to climb over boxes to get anywhere. But the new place is pretty nifty.

School starts Monday. DAMMIT! Don't wanna. But I did a countdown in my day planner. 68 total days of classes left before I graduate, after subtracting holidays and such. Seems like eternity. I'll be countin'em down baby.

I think I want to go get a manicure. 18 bucks I could spend in more productive ways, I know. Like... a few Grande Vanilla Bean Coffees at the coffee shop.

iPod Now Playing: "Hell Yes" (Beck - Guero)

Local Woman Turns Rabid After Encounter With Skankass Cashier

2005-08-16T15:46:00.000-05:00

I decided to share with you guys a photo representing my physical appearance yesterday after my brush with cashierwhorebag and my echy psuedo-sick feeling hit.

But anyway. Feeling a smidgeon better today. Went to doc for a new prescription for my allergy issues, since I ran out of Allegra. She put me on a med called Allerex, or however it's spelled, so now I take a pill twice a day. One revvs me up, the other will knock my ass to sleep.

Tomorrow should be fun, then. Having a dose of revver upper - I'm guessing I'm going to be bouncing of the walls. Hmm. Wonder what it would do in conjunction with my grande Mocha Latté. Or maybe it'll be nice with a couple of my Caramel Truffle Mini Cigars. Yep, you heard me right. The anti-smoker of the anti-smokers has a tin box of these yummy caramel and irish cream cigar(ettes?) that were given to me to have once in a while. They are lovely.

You know what word I like? Sphincter.
Is that strange?

Meh.

2005-08-15T17:23:00.000-05:00

I'm starting this entry with a moment of silence.

I feel like a light bulb. My head is pounding and my eyelids feel hot and burny. I'm generally pissed off at the world today. Went in to the gas station for some coffee and a pack of gum, and the bitch behind the counter pissed me off effortlessly.

I look up and smile and set my selections down. She doesn't even look at me. She mumbles something to the guy standing casually behind her who is slouching against the wall watching her, presumable her manride. So I say, "hi how are you?" while fumbling for my cash. She responds with, "yeah, she never even called back. So I'm like, whatever."

Ooookay. So she rings me up and she says "two thirty two."

Is that it? No, "that'll be..." no "two thirty two please," no nothing? Just the Total flung haphazardly in the air?

So I decided to teach the bitch a lesson and switch gum flavors. I put the pack back and put a new one up, just to show her who's boss. She just looked blankly at the pack.

"How much again?" I scoffed, smirking.

"two thirty two, so I guess I'm going to drive up there and pick it up. Did you get ahold of Jerry?"

I'm like HELLO WHOREBAG SKANK, YOU'VE GOT A CUSTOMER HERE!. So I smile and hand her a twenty and the change so I'll be even, and apparently that was WHOA way more than she could handle. She eventually shrugged and typed in my amount, and then a glimmer of "ooh okay I get it" crossed her fugly face as she handed me back only bills. HA! TAKE THAT. Hmmph.

So I strut to my pretty yellow beetle with a carefree, nobody has pissed me off, nope, not at all type attitude.

Only to be cut off by some bum ass tourist trying to pull into my lane with no signal.

And now I'm feeling all eegy. I'm tired. And I want my bahbah. the one full of yummy marguarita juice please. and my beenky.

Topic Stir-Fry

2005-08-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

Looky what I found!!

This company, called Celebriducks has made celebs into cute little duckies! They are so good, too. There is a lot of attention to detail. They even have Buddha and Jesus ducks!

Of course I was drawn to Dr. Frankenfurter. It's going to look great in my new digs. Now Mr. Man have to live with me and my Tranny Ducky.

So are you guys watching Big Brother? Kaysar got voted back in (thanks, no doubt, to my gozillion votes) by a whopping 82%. Poor Eric will have to go home and be a bossy arrogant asshole to his own family now. Aaww. Poor Maggot will have to play by her widdle wonesome self.

I guess there's always the rascist lesbian bigmouth to keep her company. She's hot, but she's annoying as hell. And her rascist comments make me want to hork. The bitch actually called a Muslim housemate "Osama Kaysar BinLaden" and a "sand n****r." WTF? I'd have to kick her ASS. Who the hell makes comments like that anyway? Grow up, skank. He's an American. Get over it.

Can you tell I've not gotten much packing done in the past two days? And I have exactly 5 (five) days left. I've only used one roll of packing tape. And of course after I spend like 15 bucks on rolls of normal tape, I discover this stuff. It's clear packing tape with a built-in string in the middle, so you just basically pull the tab to open the box.

I tend to find out what I need to know slightly after I needed to know it.

The good news? I don't have to buy anything for school this last semester. I have enough school crap for a small village of children.

Hmm. Progresso Garden Vegetable... gotta go.

winds of change are a-blowin'

2005-08-08T22:26:00.000-05:00

I can't believe Peter Jennings passed away. Lung cancer. He was no longer a smoker, but had smoked when he was younger. It's so sad. I really liked him. He was too young, too. Still handsome, and incredibly wise.

I don't want to just complain every entry, so I'll gloss over the fact that I have two more weeks until school. Done.

I don't want to just complain every entry, so I'll gloss over the fact that I have one week before I have to be packed and ready to fill up the Uhaul I rented for two days.

Is anyone watching Big Brother 6?!?! Oh my gawd. Please. Somebody tell me you are following this.

Did I talk much about where I'm moving to? Let's just say I'll be living with a member of the opposite sex, whom I plan to engage in frequent intimate contact with, and whose laundry I will more than likely end up washing and hanging. Yay for domesticity! Go team!

On my iTunes right now: "People of the Sun" (Rage Against The Machine - Evil Empire)

so uh... yeah.

2005-08-05T18:39:00.000-05:00

Things I've learned today: Watching The Big Lebowsky does not aid in the packing and moving process. Maybe it was my "shomer fucking shabbos." God what a classic. I love John Goodman.

I swear you guys, I'm just so unmotivated lately. I mean, I'm excited about the new digs, I just... I guess I'm just not looking forward to the actually moving part. And maybe I can avoid thinking about the stress of it by jumping headlong into a movie for a couple of hours.

Dude, did I mention that I graduate in five months? Talk about scared shitless. I'm terrified. But then again, I've already talked about that ad nauseum. Just know that graduation is among the stressors for me right now. Well, that's also assuming I can pass this last batch of classes, which, I might add, are insanely difficult. I'll have 4 classes, and it'll be about 2 too many time-wise.

I sware, sometymes beeng a know-it-all genius skolar is such a todal bumber.

Who, Me? Never.

2005-08-01T13:57:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why I take these quizzes. I mean, they're only right like 92.763% of the time.

HELL LEVEL 2

Raw score: 66%
You're just about as deep in sexual hellfire as a person can get.
Virtually no urge, however demented, will go ungratified; practically
no boundary will go uncrossed.
You're probably proud of your adventurousness, and, honestly,
you should be. Few people are confident enough to pursue pleasure
on their own terms.

Your morals could sink a bit further, sure, but it's mostly likely that
you've got a pretty good idea of what you're into and what you would do...
above all you're honest with yourself with what you want.
If more people told the truth, you'd have a lot more company
down in the flames.

AVOID: the lost souls in sexual heaven and (above all) the denizens
of sexual purgatory. You don't need any prudes or wishy-washers in your life.

Link: The Sexual HELL Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

p-push it real good

2005-07-18T11:12:00.000-05:00

Okay here's what the voice on the tube just got through saying: "Why do some problems come in twos? Like feminine itch and odors?" What the fuh?

And while I'm at it, correct me if I'm wrong but nothing is more NASTY than that bitch on the boat using a tampon to plug the leak. They show the applicator coming off and the string swaying in the water. NASTY

I can't get the song Push It out of my head. It's always there. OMG that reminds me... what was that one reality show a few years ago where they put that skinny dude in a room and played Tiny Bubbles over and over, backwards, slow-mo, sped up, etc.? Over and over until he was this [ ] close to losing it? Oh wait I think it was, yeah it was The Mole. Man, that was a long time ago. Another song that sticks is that song by 5.6.7.8s called Woo Hoo, that goes Woo Hoo, woo oo oooh, Woo hooo, woo oo ooh... etc.

So does anyone have any guilty-pleasures to confess? Come on, I told mine...

Yep. Brat. There it is.

Woo hooo, woo ooo oooh...

No diggity, no doubt.

2005-07-18T10:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm moving. And I find that, in order to avoid packing the stacks of flattened boxes lurking in every room, I get completely absorbed in the shopping channels. Especially the make-up shows. I can't help myself. I guess I'm just nervous about the move. But it's just no excuse for avoiding The Boxes.

They just sit there. They refuse to pack themselves. The bitches.

Had a lovely Sunday sans Cloaked, Bible-Toting, "The Tower" distributing type-people. So my dog got to take the day off. A full day without people-eating. But ... the time ... it is coming. HE... he gets hungry [insert jaws music]. He must ... be fed.

So okay. I didn't want to say it. But yes, I have a crush. Anybody watch last season's Surreal Life?

Yeah. It's like that. Now you understand my reluctance.

Rat-faced Tattooed SmokerSlut

2005-07-12T10:49:00.000-05:00

Sunday, these spooky bible-beaters came a-knockin, spreading their cult's, er, faith's publications. And my dog decided he wanted to eat them alive. It was fantastic. They were scared hymenless.

Okay, that was kinda gross. But it just popped into my mind, and it was just funny enough that I had to leave it in there. Anyway, I had to drag him away from them as they stood there, frozen, a look of confused terror on their faces. Pup was growling and tearing at the carpet to get at them, his ears way back on his head and his fur in a line. It was neat. I think their confusion was about the fact that the dog was doing it instead of me like last time.

Okay, since y'all don't know me, I can tell you that I have a crush on a certain celebrity. Okay nevermind now I feel like a dork.

I'm already dreading school starting back up. I mean, I love the part right before, when you get your planner and your paper and your writing tools together and put it all in a bag and stuff. It's just the studying and the assignments that I dread. And the payment thing. That part sucks, too. Because I'm not exactly going to a community college, and by that I mean that I lose a major organ to the black market every effin' semester in order to keep going there.

Mmm Qdoba.

there's a pube in the floss

2005-07-06T14:11:00.000-05:00

Okay this is another post about movies. Because I've watched a few very strange movies lately, some of which require a moment of silence following the credits to wonder the meaning of it all.

Heavenly Creatures was very cool in an imaginative, colorful sense, but then they like... kill someone. Okay, why can't they just be bonded and get it on without letting things get out of hand? And it was true, all true. Donnie Darko was nifty and creative, too, and either genius or great at faking it. But I think it'll take another watching to truly grasp it.

Is Jake Gyllenhaal hot (or handsome, whatever) or creepy? Because he seems to go from one to the other at an alarming pace, David Bowie style. And he looks exactly like his sister, and unfortunatly it doesn't look as good on her. But they're okay.

The worst movie ever has to be The Man Who Fell To Earth, which made me want to take a rusty, dull spoon and slowly carve my eyes out. Even considering the fact that David Bowie is clearly God's gift to all intelligent life.

What, would you say, is the weirdest movie you've ever seen that was still good? I'm trying to figure out what I'd vote, and I think I'm swinging toward Being John Malkovich.

Opening Night

2005-06-30T10:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, who all saw War of the Worlds last night? Huh? Was it not completely and totally uncrappy?! I was so enthralled by the first half that I just kept saying to myself, "Gawd this movie is awesome." It was great to see it in a packed house, too, for a change, because everyone had the same reactions at the same time.

OOh oooh, there's this one part? where this thing comes down? and then everyone's all "OOOH" and the guy was like, "RUN!" and I was all "oh shit what was that" and then there was this huge BAM and everyone jumped. OOh ooh and then? There was this guy? and he had this gun? and he was all "let's fight 'em" and dude was like "no!"

Maaaan. It was dope, y'all. Forealsies. You simply MUST put down the bong and go see it post haste.

I sense a spanking

2005-06-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

So yeah. Not really all that sure about this whole... online quiz thing. Some are better than others, of course. This one is, well, stunningly accurate, ifIdon'tsaysomyself. Heh. Heh Heh.
[That, for those who didn't catch it, was my impression of Quagmire.
You know... Quagmire?]
__________

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild.
People love doing anything sexual with you.

Hot

75%

Soft

63%

Exciting

50%

Wet

44%

Sweet

44%

Violent

31%

Shy

31%

Awkward

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com