Copycat McStealapost

Okay so obviously I had to follow suit. I just hope I can come up with stuff half as interesting.

Secret to semi-secret things about me:

1. When I was little, I would steal the plastic price-tag sliders off the edge of the grocery store shelf. I'd sink them into my pockets and feel I really accomplished something.

2. I used to sneak packets of lemon juice and drink them under the table, while my cousin ate the sugar packets.

3. I never could make stuffing my bra work for me, so I gave up after two tries. And now I'm about 1.5 cup sizes bigger than I ever wanted to be. I hate it when people talks to my tits instead of my face. Makes me want to kick them in the teeth.

4. I used to look at my best friend's feet and wish I could have cute feet, too. I hate mine.

5. When I was at my babysitter's, she had a bowl of mixed candy on top of her china cabinet. I would climb up and pull out a cinnamin bear every afternoon. I ate it in thirds, the head first, then about a half hour later, the feet, and then later the tummy.

6. I used to teach my friends about sex. When I was 8. I didn't know what I was talking about, but they all believed me.

7. I've worried since I was 14 that I'd grow up to be a sex addict because I thought about it so much. Elders assured me that it was hormones, and I'd grow out of it, but I never did. I think if I wasn't so scared of STDs and hurting people, I think I'd be a huge slut (I don't sleep around, believe it or not). Nobody around me knows how bad it is (nobody I know knows about this blog). The simplest things can turn me on. It's embarrassing even though people don't know.

8. I used to love playing house. I was always an argumentative lawyer that said "I OBJECT!" to everything.

9. I used to drive a really huge, ugly car from the 70s. I pretended I was embarrassed of it because I lived in a wealthier neighborhood full of really nice cars, but I really loved it. I could always outrun newer cars at stop-lights, and make much more noise doing it.

10. I dyed my hair jet black when I was in my "grunge" stage, and it turned greenish because my hair is naturally blonde. I pretended I meant for it to be that color.

11. I pierced my own belly-button when I was in my 4-year "self-hatred" stage.

12. I peirced my own friggin' ear (at the top) with a thick safety pin when while I was stoned. I numbed it with a freakin ice cube for christ's sake.

13. I have eaten dog food before. I was little and it looked like my cereal, so I crunched down on a piece.

14. I love my dog more than I love most people. I'm such a dog person that I cried when the hurricane left dogs with no families to love them. I saw video where the camera panned the area, and you could see dogs just sitting there looking scared, hungry, and alone- and I fucking lost it.

15. One time I accidentally called a girl by her nickname when talking to her. The nickname some other kids gave her regarding her weight. I never forgave myself.

16. I secretly wish for chubby kids because they seem so much sweeter and more kind and sensitive. Though I don't think I really want that because they'd get teased at school. But the thought is still there.

17. I find Clive Owen incredibly sexy.

18. Nicholas Cage scares me a little bit. Like he's not quite right or something.

19. When I was a little girl, I was sure that I was an angel, and that God wanted me to help people like themselves. Which is really weird because now that's my favorite thing to do. I've never been religious, though.

20. I used to go visit a horse in the stables in Hermitage. He was sick and I knew he was probably going to die. I would talk to him and give him carrots, and cry. His nose was always bleeding. Then, one day after visiting him, I heard this cheesy, sad New Kids song, and from then on that song made me cry because I'd think about that horse.

21. I have a major phobia... I'm deathly afraid of farting in a classroom full of students. I've never done it, but it's one of my biggest fears.

22. One of my boyfriends couldn't kiss worth a damn. I hated kissing him SO MUCH. I never told him. Later, long after we broke up, I heard another girl talking about how badly he kissed, and how she didn't have the heart to tell him. I was kinda glad I hadn't told him and taught him to improve, because I didn't want that girl to have liked kissing him.