Simpson's Individual Water Absorb-a-tex Stringettes! Away with floods!

Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang!

Mr. Simpson: Thank you.

Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet.

Mr. Simpson: How do you do.

Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?

Mr. Simpson: No.

Wapcaplet: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

Mr. Simpson: String.

Wapcaplet: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell anything.

Mr. Simpson: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand miles of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it--

Wapcaplet: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

Mr. Simpson: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.

Wapcaplet: Well, that's our selling point! "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"

Mr. Simpson: What?

Wapcaplet: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

Mr. Simpson: For what?

Wapcaplet: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

Mr. Simpson: Such as?

Wapcaplet: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

Mr. Simpson: Destroying household pests?! How?

Wapcaplet: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

Mr. Simpson: Well surely!....

Wapcaplet: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

Mr. Simpson: Hospitals!?

Wapcaplet: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

Mr. Simpson: No, but it's only string!

Wapcaplet: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's... it's waterproof!

This goes on... it's so hilarious... Monty Python's skit "String" from "Contractual Obligation." I highly recommend it.