Yeah, so I watched it. I was 9!

Yes. I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not often, but enough to count. Anyway, I found this video and had to share it. These guys are hilarious.

bewbs

It's. Effing. Cold.

Today it's like 36 degrees, which in itself isn't that cold, but the wind and shit... BRR. But I could swear that I heard someone mowing their lawn earlier. wtf? There's no grass here yet, you morons. Quit mowing your dead brown grass at 8 am.

I find that I'm posting less and less. I guess when the traffic to my blog decreases, my interest in posting decreases. I know that's stupid, I mean I see most blogs with zero comments on any of their posts, and they keep on trucking. After all, we blog for ourselves, not for anyone else, and if other people read and comment and dig what you dish, then right on. I know that logically. But sometimes I miss the good ol' days.

I miss the love, baby.

Hey, I know... I need to post pics of my tits. That'll bring people around. And more descriptions of my lesbian encounters.

Kidding. Naw, I can't see giving up on this blog, even if all traffic stopped, I'd probably keep yammering away like the the crazy cat lady down the street. I'll walk the streets of Boggerville mumbling about the war and how my son stole my car and the grandkids don't come around, and pulling bugs out of my hair.

Brr, I'm heading back for a refill on the ol' java mug.

Today's Eye Candy
Nude Matthew McConaughey!

I found this photo on someone else's blog and had to borrow it. I wonder who got lucky enough to get the job of holding his junk for this photo. Because I'm pretty sure I'm qualified.

whoreskank with cheese

Like everyone else, I was at Starbucks this morning for the free coffee. That is some good shit, man. I hate to say it, but their coffee is fucking suPERB. The ladies behind the counter were really nice, too, which was completely unexpected.

However.

As I was standing at the little table applying my usual add-ins, this woman came up and was trying to pour half and half into her cup. It wasn't coming out, and she was mumbling "how do you make this work?" under her breath. I felt sorry for her, and told her she had to turn the top to OPEN IT FIRST. I told her I had closed it after I used it, which is something nice people do because the employees are constantly going over to seal them to keep them cold. I was being nice. And this woman couldn't figure out how to turn the lid. So I said "here, let me show you" and opened it for her. I didn't want her to feel stupid so I said "sorry, I closed that after I used it, so that's why it wasn't pouring." She said, "oh okay" and went on about her business. A few seconds later, I rocked my coffee cup just enough to slosh a little onto my hand and the table, but it was no big deal - it didn't hurt, and not much spilled. I just reached for some napkins and was taking care of it. So then, the woman that I'd just went out of my way to help (and took blame for something common-sense just so she wouldn't feel like a doofus) said the following with a smirk:

"This just isn't your day, is it honey?"

(deep breathe)

Now.
What TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT FUCKTARD would say something like that to someone that just helped them out? FUCK YOU LADY. Go home and spend 3 hours figuring out how to open your OWN damn milk containers, where nice people aren't there to help you out.

Damn smoker-stinkin' hair fried liver-spotted white-trash-looking dumb bitch!

I just took deep breaths until I could get a safe distance from her, so my fist woudn't involuntarily crack her tooth. I'm pretty sure she had on an employee tag for the local hospital. My god, I hope she's a janitor and not someone in charge of figuring out how to inject people.

I don't have anything against people that aren't very smart. It's when they are ASSHOLES that I get a little angry.

Bitch better be glad I'm not as mean as I was in high school when I would have popped her in the face. (Have I blogged about that yet? Hmm. Let's just say I got suspended from school a couple times and leave it at that. Well, for now anyway.)

Jesus H. Christ. I hope everyone ELSE is having a better day than I am.

Bitch.

Like, sorry y'all

So it's been a minute since I posted. Sorry about that. I had a spell of blogger's block.

Buuut, now here I am back to my bitchy liberal blondish gay-friendly artistic photographically-gifted camera shy outwardly harsh inwardly sweet strawberry loving self. That's right folks, I'm back in black and ready to rrrummmmmbbuuuuulllll!

Okay so maybe not all that, but I am back, ready to point out all those crazy little details that people tend to overlook. Like, say, the lyrics to the Beck song "Devil's Haircut" :

"Something's wrong 'cause my mind is fadin', and everywhere I look there's a dead end waiting. The temperture's dropping at the rotten oasis, stealing kisses from the lepers' faces.

Heads are hanging from the garbage-man trees. Mouthwash, jukebox, gasoline. Pistols are pointing at a poor man's pockets, Smiling eyes with 'em out of the sockets.

I've got a devil's haircut in my mind.

Love machines on the sympathy crutches. Discout orgies on the drop-out busses. Hitching a ride with the bleeding noses, coming to town with the briefcase blues.

I've got a devil's haircut in my mind."

Amazing, aren't they? There's nothing I love more than a good Beck song. The lyrics are crazy and the beats are The Absolute Shit. I recommend the album Guero to one and all. And Odelay is a classic.

So listen. Is it possible to get a prescription for medical marijuana for cramps? Because ladies, we can rise up and make that shit possible. If any man could feel what we feel, those suit-wearing assholes would pass that shit into legality.

Today's eye candy: the unwashed Gael García Bernal, hot regardless of the sheen.

Hot Men

I'm having one of my... "those days," where I'm exceptionally boy-crazy.

I love me some goatee. NOT ALL GOATEES ARE CREATED EQUAL. Some men look plain STOOpid with the things.

Wait, let me define what I mean by "goatee." Because I don't mean a pointed beard. I mean when they have hair from under their nose to their chin, but not a full beard. Let's get that straight right off the bat. Even though I have seen a couple smokin' hot men with pointy beards, but it's just rare, so I'm disqualifying it.

But a sexy guy with a sexy goatee and short, if not buzzed, hair on his head... that's hot. I also like a guy with a shaved head. Not like... skinhead, but just buzzed down to nearly nil. I also like all-over facial hair that is short, like the 6 o'clock (or 3 day, as it were) shadow. Yum-o.

Another thing. If they have a sexy way of holding their mouth, with a little grin. Not like a cocky egotistic smirk, just an evil little grin. That's hot.

Another thing. If they get the door for you. Or offer up their seat if you're standing. Things things are good. Not required, but good.

Okay I'm going to stop talking about hot men now. On to much less interesting topics.

So anyway. I updated my profile and picture, yet again. I am constantly changing that pic! I have a few that are me and a few that I think represent me in some way, and rotate them. I get bored easily or something, I don't know. I changed my profile info, too, but I'm not done updating things. I'm thinking of deleting all of the info in there and starting over.

I also put an email address in there, which makes me a tad nervous. I'm considering changing my template again, but I'm not sure if I actually will or just keep planning to. I've kept this one the longest of any of them. It just... fits me more I think.

Pic of the Day: This is from my widget "cutupo". It has words you can move around to make sentences. This is what I have there today.

Hedwig's Angry Inch

I love the people that comment on my blog. You inspire me to write the strangest posts.

Nutsacks and bowling shoes. And you guys rock enough to go with it, to catch what I'm throwing your way.

I need to do an photo post containing pictures of nutsacks you all send me. Okay nevermind that. I think bowling shoe pics would be more tolerable.

Hmm. On second thought, neither would be tolerable. But it was good for a second.

Interesting Textural Associations:
nutsack = elbow / leather football / bowling shoe

Interesting Visual Associations:
powdered wigs = cotton balls = dust

Interesting Taste Associations:
root beer = licorice = ginger

Okay this is getting weird. I'm going to go throw frizbees at the light bulbs in my purple-edged bunker.

And then stop taking drugs.