remember silverchair?

So how was everyone's Halloween? Mine was mediocre I suppose, although I did get stabbed by a cat, had a 14 year old boy stare down my shirt with a drip of drool on the corner of his mouth, and had Buzz Lightyear tell me about an "army man" with a "big machine gun."

So I don't know if you guys have had to use those damn academic article databases, but I'M SICK OF THEM. EBSCOhost, etc. You know what I mean? MLA database, Gale Group, etc. etc. etc.. GAH. I'm so sick of this shit.

I feel like I'm in this pit, and I can see the daylight up above my head, but I can't climb out because I can't grab anything solid to lift myself out. I have this calendar with a countdown on it, and I have less than a month's worth of days left, total, and even that seems like an eternity. And the real kicker is that when I think of all the shit I have to get done by then, it seems like five seconds, way too short for me to get my shit done and submitted.

Oh, on a sidenote, I found this nifty site a long time ago, called Rate My Professors, where you can view other people's opinions of your teachers, including if they are hot or not.

It's fucking hilarious to hear what other people say. I mean, this woman I had a few semesters ago that has 30's hair and wears nurse shoes was called 'hot' by honest-to-god students. WTF?

omfg what is going ON around here?

Good grief, and it's not even a full moon!

I saw at least three car accidents today on my way home! It's like everyone forgot how to drive and the hopped in the car with a bottle of Absolut. One was really nasty looking, although I think it only involved one car. There was mud everywhere, and an ambulance, and a cop directing traffic, the whole bit. Makes me sad. :-(

School has me really f*cked up right now. I'm so stressed out... it's like I have a shitpot of work to do, so I just panic and doin't do any of it. Then later, I'm pissed off because I had a moment of free time and didn't use it to do something to ease my burden. AAAGHHH!

I quit. F*ck it all. I'm quiting 25 days before I graduate.

Okay maybe not, but damn I wish I had a joint the size of my arm right about now. I think I'll grab some Absolut and go for a drive.

I'm Tyler Durden's Bitch

What's the deal with 12 year olds sportin' the skankbag look? I can't believe that kids that aren't even in junior high are wearing low-rise jeans and halters. Eeew. That's just wrong. And little boys no older than 10 dropping f-bombs. What the hell? What is this world coming to?

You should be at least 17 before you become a skeezy flea-sportin' gutter slut , and should be at least 20 before you become a p.i.m.p., backhanding, wife-beater-wearing crab host . I mean, look at Brit and KFed.

Wow, my 85th post.

Here's another bunch of these photos. Am I wrong or does little Angelina look exactly like a mini Janeane Garofalo? Seriously. Oddly, I've had crushes on them both at one time or another, back when I had "crushes." I don't know what I have now. I guess... well, I don't know. What do y'all call a person (celeb or otherwise) that you think is really hot? Anyway, have you seen the movie Gia? Cuz if you haven't, you're doing yourself a real injustice. Well, unless lesbionics, nudity, or heavy drug use freak you out.

Oh, here's a dirty secret I'll let you in on. And this is really embarassing. When I was 12 or 13, I had the hugest crush on Pauly Shore. Back in his "hey buuuuddy" phase. True story.

Anywho, check this out:



Thanks Jay Bee for the photos!

Check this shit out:

How weird... They were like... real people once. How adorable was little Kurt? Awww! (I totally feel like "Stewart's mom" when she goes "Gaaawwwdcher cyeewt!" to the rosy-cheeked Stewart right before he goes: "Keep away from my danger zone!")

What's funny is how little we change over time. I mean, we change SO much, but the things that change aren't the things that make us identifiable, so we still look... the same.

I Heart Sue

I discovered her show a couple years ago, and I don't get it where I live, but I've seen a few episodes. It crosses so many lines that I can't count 'em. You have to love a 70 year old woman imitating fall*tio on tv for a confused, gay male caller.

She has to have some serious nuggets to do what she does. Hats off.

me me me me meeee Meme:

Stole this from a blog I visit.

What color is most reflective of you?
light purple

How did you get the idea for your journal/blog name?
It's pretty self-explanatory. I'm spilling my guts heah.

What time were you born? just after 9 am

What song are you playing now (or wish you were playing)?
Joan Jett - "Do You Want To Touch Me There (Oh Yeah)"

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Yes, but not because they were a celebrity.

What color underwear are you wearing?
black bikini briefs

Do you want a baby?
Yes

What color are your bedsheets?
pale yellow

What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?
516

What was the last concert you attended?
Green Day

What was the last movie you saw?
A History of Violence

Who do you dislike most at this moment?
The guy that hit my sister's dog and shattered her pelvis. F*cking f*ucker.

Did you dream last night?
Yes, something about going somewhere. Or something.

What was the last TV show you watched?
The Office

What is to the left of you?
an empty glass with a straw sticking out

What is the last thing you ate?
A bowl of minestrone

Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
my housemate

Write a song lyric that's in your head:
She wore lemon, see-through in the sunlight. She had heaven, and she held on so tight. (U2, as if you didn't know)

Who last IMed you?
My mom, actually.

What shampoo do you use?
John Freida (sp?) Blonde Shampoo

When was the last time you cut your hair?
August

Are you on any meds?
Yep. I got me some mad allergies, yo

What shirt are you wearing?
A blue t-shirt with my university emblem

What is your favorite frozen treat?
Cold Stone Creamery - chocolate with brownie

Are you sexy?
depends on who you ask. I think so sometimes, depending on what I'm um... doing.

What's your favorite shopping store?
The Apple Store (badass gadgets, not fruit), or Bed Bath and Beyond, or Pier One

Go Figure.

The instructions are as follows:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence or closest to it.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Here goes:

"Sometimes I think I'm too easy to piss off."

Lesbionics a la carte

Due to popular request, I started writing a line-by-line account of the night of my first same-sex experience, but it got really long, so I'm leaving it as a draft and sending an abbreviated version out into the world. A tad nervous, but I'm still counting on the fact that nobody in my day-to-day life knows I have a blog.

Summary, truncated:

I went to a party with some friends. Got a little bit high and made out with a guy I'd had a crush on forever. We were on the bed staring, you know how you do, and my friend walked in. Out goes Hot Guy to pee and grab a beer. Friend says she wants to tell me something. I giggled, still laying there staring up, and she told me she had a thing for me, how could I not notice? I didn't think she was serious, so I laughed. She said something else to try to convince me, but I kept thinking she was kidding. She pinned my arms down to the bed above my head and looked right at me. She told me she was serious and really slowly leaned down and kissed me, really softly. I was totally turned on, but at the same time, freaked out that my friend of like, three years, was straddling me and her hair was hanging around my face, and she was telling me she had "a thing" for me. I had no idea how to act, so I just went with it. I kissed her back, and she started reaching under my shirt. I was just high enough that I didn't really help her get my clothes off (how'd she do that? I still don't know), but she knew what she was doing, apparently.

She did the things I'd had done before, but in a totally different and completely amazing way. Her kisses were much softer and lighter than guy kisses, and her hands were gentle and... just knew. I basically just relaxed and let it happen. I remember her skin being so soft that I couldn't stop touching her, like she was some totally new thing I'd never seen. Her skin tasted sweet and clean, and her hair smelled like flowers. I vaguely remember Hot Guy walking in and sitting down, but I'm pretty sure neither of us paid him any mind. I just know that he was there when it was over, looking like a tent. Anyway, we were a tangle of limbs and mouths, and were both being very vocal (I don't think any of them were actual words).

I think I had two before I couldn't take it any more and took over. I had no idea what I was doing, but apparently I was good at it, and we ended up in another tangle, laying on each other afterwards exhausted. It still hadn't hit me that it was real, that the whole thing wasn't a dream, that she'd been serious, and that my her breast was actual still in my hand as I lay there spinning. My heart didn't slow down until I was at home that night, but believe me when I say I couldn't sleep. Eventually she and I hooked up again, but never again with the high to interfere.

With future girlfriends, I learned about the thrill of breathmints in the mix (think about it), how to maneuver in small car-like spaces, and how to have hands too busy for popcorn in the theater.

I hope I didn't leave out enough to annoy, but did leave out enough to disgust anyone. Not that I really care if it disgusts someone, I guess. Their own fucking problem, if you ask me.

But anyway. I'm feeling rather exposed at the moment. I think I'll go busy my mind with non-sexual thoughts now.


Now Playing from my iTunes playlist: Beck, "Black Tambourine"

"I told you five or four times..." (chorus repeats)

I got a girlfriend, she goes to art school, I got an art-school girlfriend, yeah! woot woot.

So anyway. Did anybody watch that video on my last post? Freakin' weird.

So today was an interesting day. I'm driving down a major road in my town, and it's two lanes going in each direction, plus a turn lane in the middle. I'm in the right lane, and there is a huge white van next to me in the left lane. The person driving it decides to turn into the restaurant parking lot via the entrance to the right of me. So they just turn their big asses on in, almost smashing into my front end, and I had to slam on the brakes and head for the curb to avoid collision.

Stupid bitch.

[[ I should add that I hauled after her ass, all adrenalined up ready to kick some fucking ass, and the bitch fled! I drove all around the buildings near there, and she'd booked. Probably for the best, since there's a good chance I'd have a new entry to my criminal record. ]]

Another interesting thing - had a phone conversation with a friend who was at an "adult" store and was about to buy her first toy. She needed advisement. I tapped my bank of expertise to help her select the best item to suit her specific needs. She kept giggling at the variety, especially the "giant green beast with bumps." It was cute, really.

I guess I shouldn't make it sound like I'm a toy aficionado. I don't have much of a collection at all, I just uh.. knew what she'd like. Interpret that as you will. You'd be right.

Now Playing: "Rock'n'Roll Radio" -Ramones

Ass-slappage

Oh my god, you guys LOOK!
(Don't watch this if you're at work!)

It's a video of Janet Jackson sunbathing. Uh, sans clothing items. Thank me later.

So. How's everyone doing? The sky didn't crash down when I aired my secrets. Aaaah. It feels good, really. Of course, I'd already told you guys the stuff that usually shocks people the most, like the "girl/girl" and the "girl/girl/girl" and the "boy/boy's restoom" and the "public places collection" and the "car" incidents. If I remember correctly, I took the post down. I'm thinking about reposting it, though. It's in still saved, only as a draft. It would just... round out my purge, if you will.

Man, the other night I ate Arby's for dinner. Lemmetellyouwhat... I was all curled up on the bathroom floor barphing and baurfing and barghfing. Now, let me be clear. I like Arby's sometimes. But when I have some sort of allergic reaction that causes me to lose more food than I thought I ate in 3 days... not good. So now I'm like... fast food phobic. I'm actually not even sure it was the Arby's. Perhaps the apple I ate for lunch that day still had pesticide on it or something.

Shit. I have to go write this thing for this gizmo so the dude can do that thing. Dammit.

Now Playing from my iTunes: "Sexy Boy" by Air
Oddly enough, the song just switched to "Prison Sex" by Tool

Copycat McStealapost

Okay so obviously I had to follow suit. I just hope I can come up with stuff half as interesting.

Secret to semi-secret things about me:

1. When I was little, I would steal the plastic price-tag sliders off the edge of the grocery store shelf. I'd sink them into my pockets and feel I really accomplished something.

2. I used to sneak packets of lemon juice and drink them under the table, while my cousin ate the sugar packets.

3. I never could make stuffing my bra work for me, so I gave up after two tries. And now I'm about 1.5 cup sizes bigger than I ever wanted to be. I hate it when people talks to my tits instead of my face. Makes me want to kick them in the teeth.

4. I used to look at my best friend's feet and wish I could have cute feet, too. I hate mine.

5. When I was at my babysitter's, she had a bowl of mixed candy on top of her china cabinet. I would climb up and pull out a cinnamin bear every afternoon. I ate it in thirds, the head first, then about a half hour later, the feet, and then later the tummy.

6. I used to teach my friends about sex. When I was 8. I didn't know what I was talking about, but they all believed me.

7. I've worried since I was 14 that I'd grow up to be a sex addict because I thought about it so much. Elders assured me that it was hormones, and I'd grow out of it, but I never did. I think if I wasn't so scared of STDs and hurting people, I think I'd be a huge slut (I don't sleep around, believe it or not). Nobody around me knows how bad it is (nobody I know knows about this blog). The simplest things can turn me on. It's embarrassing even though people don't know.

8. I used to love playing house. I was always an argumentative lawyer that said "I OBJECT!" to everything.

9. I used to drive a really huge, ugly car from the 70s. I pretended I was embarrassed of it because I lived in a wealthier neighborhood full of really nice cars, but I really loved it. I could always outrun newer cars at stop-lights, and make much more noise doing it.

10. I dyed my hair jet black when I was in my "grunge" stage, and it turned greenish because my hair is naturally blonde. I pretended I meant for it to be that color.

11. I pierced my own belly-button when I was in my 4-year "self-hatred" stage.

12. I peirced my own friggin' ear (at the top) with a thick safety pin when while I was stoned. I numbed it with a freakin ice cube for christ's sake.

13. I have eaten dog food before. I was little and it looked like my cereal, so I crunched down on a piece.

14. I love my dog more than I love most people. I'm such a dog person that I cried when the hurricane left dogs with no families to love them. I saw video where the camera panned the area, and you could see dogs just sitting there looking scared, hungry, and alone- and I fucking lost it.

15. One time I accidentally called a girl by her nickname when talking to her. The nickname some other kids gave her regarding her weight. I never forgave myself.

16. I secretly wish for chubby kids because they seem so much sweeter and more kind and sensitive. Though I don't think I really want that because they'd get teased at school. But the thought is still there.

17. I find Clive Owen incredibly sexy.

18. Nicholas Cage scares me a little bit. Like he's not quite right or something.

19. When I was a little girl, I was sure that I was an angel, and that God wanted me to help people like themselves. Which is really weird because now that's my favorite thing to do. I've never been religious, though.

20. I used to go visit a horse in the stables in Hermitage. He was sick and I knew he was probably going to die. I would talk to him and give him carrots, and cry. His nose was always bleeding. Then, one day after visiting him, I heard this cheesy, sad New Kids song, and from then on that song made me cry because I'd think about that horse.

21. I have a major phobia... I'm deathly afraid of farting in a classroom full of students. I've never done it, but it's one of my biggest fears.

22. One of my boyfriends couldn't kiss worth a damn. I hated kissing him SO MUCH. I never told him. Later, long after we broke up, I heard another girl talking about how badly he kissed, and how she didn't have the heart to tell him. I was kinda glad I hadn't told him and taught him to improve, because I didn't want that girl to have liked kissing him.